Monday, August 17, 2009

If You Forget Me- Pablo Neruda


If You Forget Me- PABLO NERUDA


I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

masterpieces

There are certain things we come across our lives, that alter its route or give it a new direction, they teach us, guide us and sometimes bring us face to face with our biggest fears and introduce us to ourselves.. leaving a lasting impact on our psyche.. everytime i read, hear or watch something like that i make a quick mental note..that very often i'd say to myself: "I'd introduce this to my children one day!"

Most of these masterpieces reflect my innermost strengths and weaknesses and at the same time attract me because of the underlying subtle morality in them, that comes to us not as an aim, but almost as an afterthought.

So, here we go:

1. Jane Eyre: my most innocent belief



2. GWTW: need anything be said?


3. Rocky series.. nothing like it


4. The song: "Eye of the Tiger".. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjO1CXND4V8

5. This one must be exceedingly common in this rain-deprived city, and is also off the mark here in this list of my favourites.. but i liked this pic and i love rain and so here's a slot for "rain"


More to come later.. gotta rush!




Friday, July 31, 2009

self-observations


These days the more i think about myself, the more it dawns upon me that I have changed..in my choices, my cravings, my habits, and my likings..it has been going on for so long that I feel like putting it all down. May be its 'growing-up-- LIVE' that i am witnessing.. don't want to let the feeling go unobserved, so here i am..

So what are these little changes?

The most frivolous ones: For once I have begun to like eating green vegetables MORE happily than before.. while earlier the likes of rajma, chhole etc etc used to be my favourites, now I am alright with bland green vegetables. I used to always opt for rice if ?I could help it.. now I like to have it as a supplement to roti, not as a substitute. Earlier chocolates were my weakness.. now i don't find myself craving for them..even Ferrero-Rocher...IMAGINE..

I have grown more calm..in an earthed manner..


I still discuss most of what's going on with my friends but till possible I have started keeping my troubles to myself.. this is happening naturally to me..something which is worrisome cz a girl needs to 'say it out and talk-it-over..and if I don't do that Im doing me more harm than good.

I don't let me cry now..i cant stringently vouch for that though but something to that effect has happened.

I may be happy from the inside at times, but earlier while that used to culminate into a chirpy nonsensical mad neha, now it comes down to a more sober, 'gambheer', quiter neha..whom not much can shock, not much can excite. (Pls don't let that happen.) ..Lots more i feel, but for here, i think this is enough.

To tell the truth, I am afraid of this change and I wish not to change myself. I hope its just a passing phase of life.. and nothing permanent...and when i feel the same again i woudl come to u and share it out.

Love, ya




my 'bad day' day

02.30 pm..

Today has been one 'fine' day of my life...and I am seriously dreading the upcoming hours for if I go by how it has been so far.. I can be sure to expect further trouble!
First things first. I get up in the morning and as I look for my slippers under my bed..I don't find them, so I poke one foot beneath the bed like we usually do to find our slippers but BAMMM! My foot strucks something hard and solid beneath the bed and before I know it one nail is half broken and little blood has already oozled out.. I silently curse and hold my foot with both my hands and jump like they show in cartoon movies (the likes of Tom, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck ..u get the picture right? ) anyway.. so still not wide awake I go upstairs. I am walking, im walking, im walking then 'aeiuoiuoieyieoeeeeeeeeee'.. I go sliding on water on the floor.. now WHY was it on the floor I don't know.. so I get up and curse some more and finally am wide awake. If thats a nice beginning to a nice morning then you should know what happens next. I enter the bathroom and I just turn to turn on the shower when my elbow hits the tap underneath and I gasp in pain. I stand still..the pain was toooooo much to bear. I turn on the shower and NOT a drop of water..well, that was expected wasn't it? keeping in mind the fabulous start to the day. Anyway, I get water from the 'direct' tap.. (funny name!)
Now I come out and as I am about to iron my trousers, a tear in the trousers stares at me in the face.. now how in the world could there be a tear just above the back pocket of a pair of trousers is incomprehensible but sadly the truth of my morning today. I was aghast i was inconsolable and I was hurt. :( what had i done to anyone ever????
So, then I go to college.. all charged up for the presentation I had to give today. And just before the teacher enters the classs I start coughing.. I cough like mad so that my over-sensitive throat becomes so sour that i can hardly speak a word let alone give a presentation in which the longets part was mine. But then I took some water and ultimately the presentation was quite nice.
Somedays are just not good... and today is a classic example.. lets see what more happens.. there are still many hours to go..

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

metro pics



There's smthing so powerful about a crane..big machines!




Sunset from the metrotrain.. zoomed.. how easily we forget the daily wonder that a simple sunset is.. beautiful everyday



I like this one.. the stationary metro tracks, the inevitable sunset and a city that never ceases to breathe.. this picture spells 'hope' to me in this big bad world..

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Before i Kick the Bucket

We all gotta die right..? Who knows i might be the next in queue.. so here is my bucket list.. full of conventional as well as eccentric stuff.. things im most passionate about:

1. Get a tattoo ;) favourably on shoulder or near the ankle..a small, classy, artistic one

2. See my name on the cover of a book.. (as an author!)

3. Do something risky very very very risky but adventurous.. like getting lost in a jungle perhaps? or ok forget it, i would settle for a bike ride in the himalayas..

4. To go tipsy and dance to my hearts content..!! (this can be arranged, no?)

5. To get some real nice feminine summer dresses and get a photo-shoot done near Lutyen's Delhi!

6. To have panther lick my hand with love once.. he never does.. i dnt want to die without panther licking my hand..

7. Finish my "Happy Book" with Hina.. those know about it know about it

8. To make my own house.. i mean.. to be able to have large windows, green green very very green plants, my kinda furniture and loads of stuff in my mind that i hope to do in my home.. my own home.. i may not live there.. bt i wanna let loose my creativity in that one place

9. Err.. ok, this may sound cheesy but i would like to have a baby before I die.. i mean, who doesn't? But then, who will take care if her? I will think of something. Don't worry.

10. To hug everyone i love and get them together somehow and have a living funeral-cum-party..

ok, cant think of more right now..would jot in as i feel another eccentric thought building up in my mind!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Growing Up

What's growing up? Is it the realisation that the beliefs you nurtured and imbibed all these years were nothing? That all you liked about yourself was actually delusional nonsense. That all you despised and hoped never to be is what the world demands that you be. It is a difficult realisation, one that only reminds you of what could have been instead of what should have been.

All our lives we think of standing up for what is right, for doing what is right and for having the grit and the determination to face all odds. To be strong when going gets tough, to not give in, then what happens when in love? Why we falter when the one's we have to stand up to are our own people?

I have seen myself doing things i should not have done. I have seen myself give in a times when i should not have. All for love. It was not a sacrifice but definitely a foolish obligation that i kept serving subconsciously. I must have been sure of getting the same in return. That didn't happen.. one was left bereaved.. then what? What right does one have against one's own? Indifference is the best way I used to think, but what if something as much as a scratch on someone leaves you in a state of panic? What do you do then?

Or is growing up just a phase that keeps returning to us.. today what i believe would look kiddish tomorrow, but after a while in some other situation, i would realise those old beliefs were true, innocent and so very pure.

------------------------

Growing up is looking back and laughing at our most 'serious' moments..

All through my childhood i wanted to be an adult, and now that i am one, I yearn for the child in me...

A window to the past, a channel to the future, yet always in the present..thats "growing up"..

The Dark Post

I type in darkness..nothing romantic about this.. its not pitch dark but darn enough for me to be making mistakes. So watch out for that. I'm trying my best here! Something has happened with electricity today... the ac is on, the fan isn't, the tv is on, the doorbell isnt, the fridge is on the tubelights aren't. My very own spooky house! I remember long time back i watched a film on star movies in which there was a "electric ghost" in a house where there was a baby sitter attending to a kid.. they were alone and strange things begun to happen.. i don't recollect the name or the climax of the flick but it had us enthralled, me and my cousins.. we were camping in the basement those days, it was my Bua's wedding day i guess! heh

You know what's the most impertinent, irritating and the oft-repeted question being asked to me day in and day out? It goes like this.. "How's Life?", or "What's up?"., "Did you get the internship you were looking for?"..blah blah blah.. A month back i wouldn't have believed it had someone told me that even after one month of you exams you would be sitting at home.. doing nothing but blogging..everynow and then.,, i would have looked at the soothayer with narrowed eyes, armed my face with a questioning look, coupled with the words, "bah! im not gonna be home".. but well.. here i am, this is me.. sitting at home.. and wat's the date? June 6-- precisely a month has passed since my exams ended (well, the courts are closed aren't they??? i give me this feeble excuse)

I tried and tried and tried and now i am doing nothing but waiting for one Ms Varsha from MARG to return from Patna...uske baad mujhe hai usko Patana..and Internship lagwana. :) Don't expect better poetry, i can hardly see anything here..all i have for my rescue is the glow emanating from the laptop screen. I wanna read but can't do that unless i sit in the heat outside, which i wanna avoid.

--------------------------

Today's newspapers are full of dates and years and memorabilia.. been 25 years that Hindu-Sikh Riots happened in 1984, been 20 years since Tianmen Square massacre...and my weak and non-issue statistic of one month having elapsed since my exams came to an end.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

fkdknkldhknkdsvls :)


dear blog



Im not feeling at peace with myself. I had strange dreams last night.. and not just one but many. All of them were so engrossing and thrilling that i feel like i hardly slept. Apart from the tiny-winy details i don't think i recall the substantive part of my dreams. But they seem to tell me even more than ever how unsettled my mind is and how I seek some fulfilment, some poise and composure back in my life. Its as if my legs are wobbly and my mind is floating. No I didn't drink at all last night. I don't like to drink. Shhhhhhh..

I just want to go out of Delhi. All alone preferably. I wish i could just pack my bags, put in a camera, stuff some good things to eat and take off for places unknown. I want to reach the railway station, not knowing where i'm headed.. hitch hiking thats called isn't it? Then i want to hitch hike the hell out of hitch hiking. Recently I got an offer to work in Ahmedabad and I wanted to jump and grab the opportunity. But i couldn't.. lets not even go to the reasons.



I have lots of work to do today and some i have already done. Feels nice to be working by 9 o'clock. I have deliberately and with much effort changed my sleeping pattern so as to get up early and go for a run with Panther and Maxie. They make my day. So now I sleep early and get up early. I had a horrible routine these past 3-4 months..i used to sleep around 3 or 4 and get up around 9 or 10..couldn't sleep for longer as Panther would start barking his head off by then..and the whole day would be spent in daze.

I need a car asap. I really do. 



what else can i moan about today? now that my head is not at its usual place. Yesterday night i got afraid. Why? Reading Harry Potter. I know anyone would laugh at me but something in it made me watchout for flying curtains and whether the doors were latched properly. I like to be afraid sometimes.. cz i don't get afraid of "ghosts" too often..so i enjoy the feeling of being afraid of the unknown! Even Exorcist didn't scare me last time and the trip to Scary House with Hina had me in splits!..well, no marks to me at the scary house as more than scary it was funny and the way Hina was shouting at the ghosts, "don't touch!" i was half rolling on the floor! 



I bought 2 boos some days back. Tuesdays with Morrie and The Last Lecture, both of these im yet to begin with. Have been on a Harry Potter tour all these days, one after the other i have picked up Potter and how i love them. I even love Kreacher now.



i like writing like this.. unmindful of the vocabulary, spellings, paragraphs and best of all, topic! there is no topic, thats the topic! heheee



bye blog, i have to get ready and get going. love ya so much

next time when i write i pomish to be more shenshible. hic hic hic!



Sunday, May 31, 2009

Love's the Wor(l)d!

He is tall, he is dark and by all means a fine-looking, well-groomed gentleman, who comes from a handsome family, or so was I told. 

She is fair and slim, with a walk so dainty it could make blokes dribble and drool with love or lust alike. But as happens with some girls and many love stories, the softness though not merely skin deep, was for the selective few. To those lusting about her, trying their luck, she could be as brittle as a turtle's shell and as vengeful as a wounded tigeress. But that is just a shade of hers, the true hue lies elsewhere.  

I don't remember if they talked when they met first. I don't even recall when it was exactly that under my very own watchful eyes they became friends, best of friends and now certainly lovers. He was quite a homely guy, whose material requirements were fulfilled at home, whose life revolved around the family members and every now and then when a familiar call would come from outside from his so-called friends he would go out to say a kind word of greeting only to be back in again. At home he may be stubborn sometimes, but then who isn't? And if you would ask me, that's what makes my day, seeing the naughty side of his.  

She altered his simple routine, disrupted his night and day and how magnificently! As to when they met, it beats my memory, but the story lays elsewhere. Keep reading..  

It was his love for her that he started to happily wait outside under the sun and the rain, though much to my discomfort and annoyance. He would do nothing but wait for her one backward glance for hours and hours sometimes all through the night that I would have to get him to have his dinner outside the home! So many times I tried to coax him to come inside to the rooms so he would talk to me or watch television with us or eat his lunch/dinner on time.. but he, he was hardly on this planet, hardly aware of time and food. All that he could make sense of were the moments spent outside, yearning for her. And the moments that she would appear strolling by our house, mindful of his unblinking gaze, yet confident of her self, he would be in positive state of trance..  

She was definitely aware of the charm that her beauty and suave manners were casting on him for she deliberately took rounds of our home without any reason. Sometimes I found her sitting on the ramp as if resting, so that he may have his pleasure of staring at her demure self for hours altogether! Being a gentleman, he also at times let her be. But whenever he and i went out for a walk, i could see him gazing at her with rapt attention .. sometimes trying to hide his love from my watchful eyes and sometimes even silently cooing for her, thinking I'm too busy to take notice..i did though.  

Morning, Evening or late at night, with time she soon took note of our routine..and would accompany me when I would venture out, or when mother would buy vegetables or my dad would go for a walk. At first I was puzzled, why would she do that?? What made her so unabashed. Was she too 'forward??' I was horrified at the last thought! But soon we all figured it out! Like a devoted lover, she not only made her beau fall for her, she now wanted to make his family hers! "Smart girl", i muttered to myself when she first nodded at me when we crossed path near the colony gate. 'She's definitely here for a long haul', I told myself that day. And rightly so, because come next morning she very casually invited herself for the morning walk. A if it was routine matter! He was evidently feeling smug today and his steps were surer and jumpier! I smelled something fishy there. May be this was all a part of a "pre-planned morning stroll" in which I was merely a pawn! But looking at the two of them, it still looked like everything was normal, I shrugged off the thought and I must have missed their winks for just then I recalled. Last night he was out till late wasn't he? hmm...  

With time I got used to her hanging around with us. From a pair of two we became a group of three that jogged along in the park and enjoyed each others company. Her dancing, girly self with energy levels touching the skies and happiness knowing no bounds! I have seen them joking and whispering secrets, which I was unable to understand! I have also seen him most happy when she is around, which has quadrupled my affection for the little girl who makes me look forward to evenings and night time strolls and who has carved out a place for her in my heart which I was oblivious of.  

Sometimes jealousy does take over when I want to have him for my own.. can't help being jealous about him can I? He being my heartbeat! But yes, he did find a true lover and now she has won all of our hearts. And if I don't find her waiting outside when I step out for work, I get concerned about her well being..whether she ate last night.... As for him, he isn't that young that I would cling him on to my chest forever. He is a big man now out to face the world and I am happy and content, that in her he has found a companion, a friend and an attractive guide! He may be 6 years elder to her in age, but in smartness wisdom, none of her tribe can beat her. These days I also give them some time together alone in the park, seeing my young lad jump with her and also let her trotter about his side. And I just say to myself, may be she has a thing for 'older men'..! Because even by conventional standards, one can easily say that there cannot be any dearth for suitors for her for she is so pretty, so lovable and a perfect girlfriend, who's intelligent, fun loving and has a spark in her that could bowl over any guy, what to say of my gentle lad, who wouldn't say "whoo" to a bird if he can help it.  

Perhaps it is this quietness and calm in him that attracts her towards him. He senses her lively youth and smiles to himself and I in turn sense that smile. He is perhaps thanking his stars for bringing this little spark into his life..and I thank the stars for bringing them both into the world, for me and for each other. Maxie's at the gate again.. and Panther rushes towards her.. their tails wagging..

Friday, May 22, 2009

Acrostics..

Following are some acrostics i did one day...for the May 16 Prompts.. for more visit http://acrosticonly.blogspot.com/.. the one stop destination for Acrostic Lovers. I am sorry i didnt do all.. and im sorry if i have violated any rules Amias..this is light hearted work .. pls see it as that.. cheers to all

MAKING LOVE (Acrostic)

My hand in yours
Arms interlocked
Kind words breathed
Illogical passion seethed
Nestled like a bird
Going going gone

Logic returns
Oh god! what happened
Valiant in love, I may have
Erred 

Thursday, May 21, 2009

LOVE (Acrostic)

Love's an
Occult 
Violently subtle
Enigma

L
abyrinth
Of
Volatile
Emotions

Labouring of a false delusion
Obstruction to sanity
Vicious paradox
Engrossing

ZANY (Acrostic)

Zenzeless
Acrostic
Neurotic
Y-chromosome

HYPOCRISY (Acrostic)


Hyper active mind
Yapping and agile 
Propounding false delusions 
Obviously fake 
Critic of the worst form 
Rising to the fate
Invisible yet weak 
Subtle yet sleak
You are a hypocrite!


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

quotes

1. Love means losing a part of us and keeping it in our lovers custody to take care of.

2. Differences can be celebrated
but indifference when elongated
can leave the relationship annihilated


3. Some people just click and others got a bad mouse

DIVORCE (Acrostic)

Deadly silence
Isolated grief 
Vacant rooms 
Obscure belief 
Ringless finger 
Countless tears 
Epilogue of a nascent dream


Depraved, discarded 
Injured hearts neglected 
Varied perceptions 
Opinions interrupted 
Retired & tired 
Concluding goodbyes 
Emotions culled, unwanted 


Written for: http://acrosticonly.blogspot.com/2009/04/may-2nd-prompts-single-word-phrase.html

DESTINY (Acrostic)


Day by day 
Endearment grows 
Subtle relations 
Tightly secured, till 
Inevitable occurences or a 
Nexus of stars reveals 
Yesterday was just a memory foretold


Divine intervention 
Enthralls, engrips 
Stars speak- a language discreet 
They say it's written 
Inescapable fate 
Nuances of life 
Yield results great


Written for: http://acrosticonly.blogspot.com/2009/05/may-9th-prompts-single-word-unique-word.html

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I Vote

Today is the polling day for Loksabha Election in Delhi. Even less than an hour is left for the clock to struck 5 and i have still not cast my vote. Am about to leave. Hope to make a good choice. This is my first vote for Loksabha candidate.. have studied little abt the candidate and i think i know who i will vote for. Ours is the only reserved Loksabha constituency in Delhi. Reserved for SC/ST candidate I think. I have seen almost zilch campaigning here where i live this time. There has been more of campaigning for people to vote than about which party to vote for.

I gtgo.

It is high time. Will finish this post as i come. Happy Voting

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Random mumblings

Emotions.. why do they loom large over all of us? Those of us who are in touch with our spiritual side as well as those who just touch the surface, never taking the plunge. I keep diving in the abyss of good old thinking about life. I keep doing that.. reading people.. trying to picture life on a chessboard and trying to place people, situations in on it.. trying to see from up above.. trying to know why where what. 

I wish things were different. I wish my life was fuller, happier and greener. The plant of life has withered away.. no leaves, no fruit just a dried bush. (Too many metaphors?) This does not mean I don’t value what I have.. 

I want to be happy again. How did it feel? Do I remember? I hate it if/when someone calls me a pessimist.. I think I'm not, but I won't plead my case.. I have been told it is important to do it..so i am trying these days.

Pessimist is one who can't see the greener pastures even if they are there; Optimist is one who thinks he is on the greenest patch, Realist is one who realises there are better grasslands when he misses softer grass and tries to do something to make better this one?; Dreamer the one who wants the perfect meadow, complete with the horse and the hound.. rain and the cloud..with a stream nearby and the gushing sound. I think Realistic and Dreamer have a purpose..the other two are pitiable but yes, they are happier. (btw what happens if you switch the analogies for the Pessimist and the Optimist above? They still fit perfectly don't they? Same difference.)

Is dreaming too bad? They say you should dream but when you do what happens? Nothing really, till you channel your dream into actions and conviction that it can be done. And even if it leaves you saddened, don't give up as long as the rein is in your hands cz dreaming is the next best thing to achieving. 

Most successful people are those who sell dreams, the most lauded bunch of words are those that motivate you to dream (remember, "I have a dream"- speech or "You can win"); the most enjoyable moments of our lives are when a dream comes true. However tiny-winy it maybe. Even if it’s of the same ilk as eating an icecream at midnight.

But let’s be honest, dreaming is very very dangerous too. 

 

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

diary 1



Since many days i have been wanting..yearning in fact to write here..about how i am feeling and my life in general..like many people do in their blogs but each time, i caught myself just in time. Whatever i wrote wasn't posted. There were reasons for this. The first thing that stopped me was hesitation of opening up my heart to the world..there are people i know who would read it and there are those who i thought would feel "why would we wanna read abt this person"..

Another fear was that since i have been down almost all of the past few months..gloom filled my life. And anyway even if i were happy humans are such that pain leaves its scars while happiness just flows by..like a stream.. like a dream.. ( Is it this what makes happiness such a sought after state of being? ) Being an optimist at heart but also someone driven by emotions, it came like a dilemma to me. Either i could be true to myself or I could be someone who writes about positive things in life so that i don't add to the negativity around me and so i am reminded of my blessings. Now if I were to be honest, I would be again exposing my innermost turbulence and at the same time I thought such suicidal mentations are to be kept to oneself. So..if not something depressing then what would I write? I believe a writer's pen (alright, keypad) somewhere somehow does share a resonance with her state of mind. And if i were to follow the latter option, that is, to be someone who writes about positive things in life, i would be lying to my self... 



Today i shed all those fears.



1. I should not care who reads.. even if these are people I know, I will be me in the end, and if it gets too much I would do something about it (i should be good at it.. i changed my phone number twice in 2 years)



2. I would be true to me..and not stuff my emotions in the recesses of my mind. Na.. negativity is bad when inside.. and good when shared or when given a vent to go out.. it is like water.. it evaporates perhaps.. i don't know.. but I choose to be honest here. I don't have to put up a face for not wanting to be a cry baby. Happy or sad this is me. I am sure writing here would act like therapy.



3. Lastly and most importantly--I like this blog of mine. A place to call my own.

Monday, May 4, 2009

By Anonymous

This one is by anonymous.. would love to know who is behind it..I tried to find out but couldn't. I really connect with this one.

Mat kaho aakash mein kohra ghana hai
ye kisi ki vyaktigat aalochna hai

Surya humne bhi nahi dekha subeh se
kya karoge surya ka kya dekhna hai

Is sadak par is qadar keechad bichi hai
har kisi ka paon ghutno tak 
sana hai

Paksh aur vipaksh sansad mein miukhar hain
baat itni hai ki koi pul bana hai

Rakt varshon se naso mein khaultaa hai
aap kehte hain kshnik uttejna hai

Ho gayi har ghaat par puri vyavstha
shauk se doobe jise bhi doobna hai

Doston! ab manch par suvidha nahi hai
aaj kal nepathya mein sambhawna hai