gone

let alone this misery be
for it's each to his own
no girth does carry mirth
when laughter's come and gone

library liberati

I am sitting in the college library. It's a huge huge place with rows and rows and rows stacked with books and journals and volumes and volumes of books - shelved, stocked, piled up..some are even in trolleys! This place is spilling with books and with computer terminals. Pity they do not allow us to bring coffee inside. The LSE student ID card serves as the library card here, which again doubles up as a 'sQuid card' that allows one to swipe it for printing services as well as for paying at the cafes and pubs in the campus. Pretty neat, I  say.

 

I am nearly done with selecting my courses the details of which I shall post here as and when I get final offers for my courses. The course choice is huge in numbers here and most courses are 'capped' ie they only offer those courses to a select number of students (usually the number is 30). Sometimes the criteria is 'first come' and sometimes it also depends on your core course. So if i am in LLM and a course is my main course then I shall be given priority over non LLM students. Yea it is a lot of blah blah blah.. and the first few days had me researching, searching, moodling, going through the reading lists and consulting a few friends about what courses I should opt for.

 

I think I am gonna post my course choices here anyway!

 

Full Units:

1. Comparative Constitutional Law (Institutions and Rights)

2. Human Rights in the Developing World

 

Half Units:

1. Theories of Criminal Law and Criminal Justice System

2. Climate Change, Ethics, Development and International Law

3. International Law of Self Determination

4. Terrorism & the Rule of Law

 

The other courses I might just take are am most tempted to take but cannot, owing to the ceiling restrictions are:

 

Theory of Constitutional Law

Rethiking International Law

Human Rights of Women

Law and Social Theory

International Human Rights

 

(Half)
Theory of HR Law
Media Law - regulation in news gathering
Law and the Holocaust#

 

phew! going to a class now.. to see if i should take it up

 

will be back soon...

 

:)
 

 

 

 

 

So well,

hurried & sleepy

There's been no time to sit or think the past couple of weeks. Can't believe I have been here only for eleven days. Seems like it's been much longer. I do wish I would get some more time to write to my heart's content. The daily struggle for keeping up to date with schedules, deadlines - and more importantly - the daily quest for food -- keeps me busy - and going. Initially, after spending a week without almost eating anything.. I finally got me a loaf of bread, a carton of milk, cereal, butter and tomato. So that's what breakfast is, was and would be. It is impossible to spare more time of weekdays. It is interesting though.. buying, cooking/preparing, doing the dishes and keeping stock of what is and what needs to be bought. I would love to give a detailed account of my food adventures but perhaps later. <3

I am happy with tonight's dinner though! Couple of friends and I made 'matar mushroom' for dinner at their hall of residence. The dish looked and tasted heavenly. After ages (or so it seemed) we had 'roti'.. :)  I was almost high on food. The good old indian spicy 'sabzi' and 'roti'.

I should ideally be asleep by now but I want to keep going on. Missing a lot of people and missing them sore. It's all nice here.. but I feel like something is left unattended back home and more often than not, it is the fact that I have not been writing. Not here - nowhere. Sigh.

But I will. I will take out the time. Pardon me this hurried post. I so wanna write but my eyes won't allow it.

gunite!

Photowalk!

runway and thereafter

Reached London at 1730 hrs British Standard Time on 22nd September 2011.

There was so much going on in my mind in the cab.. a thousand thoughts, a tired body, a quite calm happiness and a twinge of the blues .. So, here I was, typing away on my cellphone, looking around and then typing.. happy, excited, intrigued, wide-eyed and on the lookout for a familiar face, familiar smile or a familiar touch..

As the aircraft touched the tarmac an hour back, I held on to the armrest, tight and secured, and closed my eyes. Let the 'thud' hit me hard perhaps. The first glimpse of England turf freshened my airborne mind. I am in the cab now; on way to Northumberland Hall - which is going to be my residence now. 

Finally, I've made it this far. This is a city that's breathing, talking, dining, travelling, shopping around me and I am definitely an outsider taking her first peek. I feel low actually! Sinking! Overwhelmed. That's the word I would ascribe to this feeling. LSE, London, England. Feels so close now, yet so.. as if my eyes are not enough to perceive. Wonder if I would get lost in the crowd - a part of me wishes it does! It is a bit chilly and I am wearing just a light tee, but am warm inside. My friend in the cab is taking pics out of her window- I word my thoughts instead.

Enough! I want the cab to reach the hall now. Just wanna get inside a warm bed. And a blanket. but before that want to wash my feet with some hot water.

Feels like a paper boat - drifting, flowing, floating, swaying.. the stream is gushing ahead of me, with me.. I am holding on! Holding on! Living every bit of it! 

More to come. Watch this space for pics and posts.

untitled

Na manzil hi hai khayal mein
Na rasta kahin ja raha,
Na rooh ko koi intezaar
na dil yahan lalsa raha

baithi hoon ik khayal mein
na idhar hi na udhar hi hoon,
ik boond sa mann hai abhi
girte zara qatra raha

Hai jhoolta sa dikh raha
gira ki bas abhi gira,
risna nahi shayad ise
hai chahta ye barasna

maloom hai qillat magar
'kyun!' 'nahi!' 'kahan!' 'par'
kahe ja raha jiye ja raha
bhool kar khone ka darr

kuch aur der baithu toh
ghar bana lu na kaheen,
unhein chhorne ka shauk hai
mujhe rukne ki hai aadat!

...

Where Memory
meets Hope
Where the good and the bad 
traverse hand in hand
Where what's gone by
looks forward to what's to be
I stand there for you
my love,
I stand waiting for thee

Cry of the Cryptic

The call of the cryptic beckons. It cries and it wails but I keep looking away. Hoping that my stubborn silence might subdue the cry of the cryptic. But that is so not how is goes. And I know it. I have always known it.

I should try speaking softly to me. That works, doesn't it? Softly I shall tread, only my footsteps would know of the journey I make.

coming home

Never more wished I was left to myself. 


Now that I am going away in a few days, a need to be alone is being felt. Yea, it is a bit odd perhaps, I shall anyway become a stranger in a strange land soon. Yet the need to be with myself is being felt and profusely. I wish to talk to me. Been long I did that.

Sigh.

I miss you, me. :) We'll meet soon, very soon. Once the madness recedes. And once the ruffled pages of my mind settle down with the lull of the winds. I will meet you during one of my walks and perhaps we'll even have a quiet cup of coffee sitting together. Aah, even the thought is so inviting .. invigorating.

With each word I type, I feel a sense of homecoming and before I know it, a silent smirk draws across my face, chaffing me.."what did you think, you fool, I would be gone so soon?" Ha! I am almost celebrating. Me Me Me, where were you?! 


Words. Yes, even when all is lost and gone. And even though like a playful lover they evade me now and then. I love you!

Muah! Muah!

LSE

I wanted it to be the right time. And this feels like it.

I. did. it.

driblet by driblet

I woke up to the patter of rain and longing. I hear the faint sound of raindrops and wonder if any thing could be meaningful anymore. There's the slight chill in the air.. making my skin tingle..

 ... the pelting driblets.. 

I will be back.

Broken Heart Banana Cake

Broken Heart Banana Cake with chocolate topping!

It didn't really come out that good looking..the heart, that is. But it tastes better than  intended. Nibble. Gobble. Munch. Devour. *halo appears*. This is the first time I'm posting something AS I eat it! :D

Main Tenu Fair Milaan Gi- Amrita Pritam

Main Tenu Fair Milaan Gi
Kithey? Kis Tarah? Pata Nai
Shayad Terey Takhayul Di Chinag Ban Ke
Terey Canvas Tey Utraan Gi
Ya Khowrey Terey Canvas Dey Utey
Ikk Rahasmayi Lakeer Ban Ke
Khamosh Tenu Tak Di Rawaan Gi

Yaa Khowrey Sooraj Di Loo Ban Ke
Terey Rangaan Wich Ghulaan Gi
Yaa Rangaan Diyan Bahwaan Wich Baith Ke
Terey Canvas Nuu Walaan Gi
Pata Nai Kiss Tarah? Kithey?
Par Tenu Zaroor Milaan Gi

Yaa Khowrey Ikk Chashma Bani Howaan Gi
Tey Jeevan Jharneyaan Da Paani Udd-da
Main Paani Diyaan Boondaan
Terey Pindey Tey Malaan Gi
Tey Ikk Thandak Jahi Ban Ke
Teri Chaati Dey Naal Lagaan Gi
Main Hor Kujh Nai Jaandi
Par Aena Jaandi
Ke Waqt Jo Vii Karey Ga
Aey Janam Mairey Naal Turey Ga

Aey Jism Mukda Hai
Tay Sab Kujh Muk Jaanda
Par Chaityaan Dey Dhaagey
Kaainaati Kana Dey Hundey
Main Onhaan Kana Nuu Chunaan Gi
Dhaageyaan Nuu Walaan Gi
Tey Tenu Main Fair Milaan Gi…

Translation:

I will meet you yet again
How and where? I know not.
Perhaps I will become a
figment of your imagination
and maybe, spreading myself
in a mysterious line
on your canvas,
I will keep gazing at you.

Perhaps I will become a ray
of sunshine, to be
embraced by your colours.
I will paint myself on your canvas
I know not how and where –
but I will meet you for sure.

Maybe I will turn into a spring,
and rub the foaming
drops of water on your body,
and rest my coolness on
your burning chest.
I know nothing else
but that this life
will walk along with me.

When the body perishes,
all perishes;
but the threads of memory
are woven with enduring specks.
I will pick these particles,
weave the threads,
and I will meet you yet again.

station

I am just so low right now... that i didn't even wanna write but speak..js let my own voice soothe me.. i dont know.. ye station toh chhod aayi thi.. yahan toh bas intezaar kia tha.. yahan se  to chal padi thi aur kabhi nahi utarna tha yahan. Par fir aaj raat ke teen baje sunai diya ki ye toh wahi jagah hai. Khidki se dekhti hu toh .. wahi nazara hai yahan.. kankaal se ped bhojil zameen par ruaanse khadein hai.. chai ki khushboo toh hai par naam-o-nishaan nazar nahi aata. Yahan is platform par door door tak koi nahi bas sannata hua karta tha un dino.. aaj bhi wohi hai aaspaas. Thand nahi hai, par thand ki chadar lapete raat khadi hai ek kone mein. Shayad dekhne aayi hai, ki main rukti hu ki nahi. Thithur ke rail ke darwaze tak toh pahunch gayi hu par utarne ki himmat nahi hai mujhmein. Pichli baar ka tajurba bhulaye kahan bhulta hai. Is station par utarti hu toh gaadi jhat chali jati hai..rengti hui si dikhayi deti hai jaise chhod ke jane ka soch ke aayi ho. Badi muddat ke baad se pakdi thi pichli dafa.. is baar ik paun bhi neeche nahi rakhungi. Aisa bhi toh nahi hai ki ek baar hi chooti thi gaadi meri.

He made me love him without looking at me

"I used to rush into strange dreams at night: dreams many-coloured, agitated, full of the ideal, the stirring, the stormy--dreams where, amidst unusual scenes, charged with adventure, with agitating risk and romantic chance, I still again and again met Mr. Rochester, always at some exciting crisis; and then the sense of being in his arms, hearing his voice, meeting his eye, touching his hand and cheek, loving him, being loved by him--the hope of passing a lifetime at his side, would be renewed, with all its first force and fire. Then I awoke. Then I recalled where I was, and how situated. Then I rose up on my curtainless bed, trembling and quivering; and then the still, dark night witnessed the convulsion of despair, and heard the burst of passion." - Charlotte Bronte (Jane Eyre)

It's hard to contain myself right now, hard to gather the thoughts together - as the senses fill with an incense that what was kindled long time back. When I was first introduced to passion and internally never left its side. That heady feeling created by interesting reads, stirring motion pictures and sometimes brainstorming sessions with ones self - something similar seems awakened. And it's making me smile amidst all that I do not understand. How to react when you continue to find your self where you were nearly ten years ago? Each time you check on yourself - you find 'it' working for you. And you mentally hug yourself in relief and pity. Things have changed thence..but not that one insane idea or that one insane moment. It's almost an intuition and yet no where in person. Not in form and not with even a hint of reality. But it appeals, invokes and calls out and you find yourself walking towards it. As if all the time lived till then was one big wait, which might've just got over. A heady heady heady delusion.

i told you i could cook B-)

 I made these over the last few weeks and have been waiting to post these to the blog..finally, i do it.

Chocolate Coffee Truffle Cake 

 Pastaa (the white is cheese)

 Paneers-the-tikkas (forgot to click the green chutney i made)

My super favorite : Banana Cake

listopia

i lyk self-deprecating-laughter-type people

i enjoy keeping people in the dark till they realise it's my doing

i have a raw way of doing things

i 'also' like flirting

i am dainty, frail and needy in heaps. insecure too.

i am strong, protective, caregiver and complete

i lie sometimes. My lies usually end in surprises.

i think lying otherwise is too much hardwork. Not interested.

i love observing men at their workplace

i like the folded-sleeve, laid-back, relaxed look on guys

i like to have choices. I usually opt out when thrust on me.

i am prone to addiction. It's in my nature.

if i do, i trust blindly. Trust is an inerrant instinct, which may still go wrong.

i would like to be proposed in a library between stacks of my favorite reads

i am prone to heartache and heartburn

i love pink sunflowers

i can't smoke, hardly drink, love to smile. Been sometime. Tried all.

i like to think of me as a housewife. Flirting with the dangers of this idea. never gonna happen.

i love to be surrounded by books and stationary and i enjoy being around cubicles

i love all animals by instinct. dogs top my chart. cats a close second.

i tried to hurt myself with a knife once, thought about committing suicide a zillion times

On my last birthday i wore a white dress with floral prints.

i bought it with an unknown guy. I didn't let him see me in it.

i like having a car but hate maintaining it

i am superstitious about a few things. I secretly think I own a cursed ring.

i feel uncomfortable with over-friendly people

as much as i feel romantic in rain, a part of me always begins to feel sad and lonesome when it pours

i like wild grass and dew drops on windowpanes

i honestly think dogs would make better humans, at least more cuddly

i love it that by now you think I am crazy. 


posting this was a self-dare.