Monday, May 24, 2010

Ye Nok Jhonk Shararatein Hain!

Heyaaa!! here is the limca commercial 2010.. an advertisement i so loveeeeee! The expression on the guy's face is so endearing and the girl's reposte so refreshing! Btw.. what better brand could i be sponsoring on my other blog that's so aptly titled Fresh Lime Soda?! Here is a copy of the original post..enjoy!

;)




Saturday, May 15, 2010

My introduction to my core

Let me share with you things about a certain people that I always envied. I always wanted a calm mind, more patience in life, a settled conscience, basically peace inside. And I knew it definitely existed. I must also mention here that I am doing fine now. :) I am really really better and I have no intention of opting out of this phase. :)

But I sometimes get anxious and it does me no good. When I meet people who sparingly give a thought to events that are capable of catapulting an entire universe of emotions for me, I realise that I have much to learn. Either these people don’t think or their ying and yang are so in conformity that there is no place for doubt or the need for self assessment! I never want to copy them ( I am too much in love with my erratic, irrational, impulsive self) but for my own peace of mind and to rid myself of superfluous insecurities and anxiety that have come to haunt me for the past year or so, I have sought ways to achieve that state of mind where not everything is charged up and manic. Where there exist periods of tranquility in my mind-- like it used to be in childhood. To top the unsettled mind, my insomniac tendencies don’t let me sleep at night. The ever charged up brain does rock ‘n’ roll inside at the cost of my peaceful sleep. And then I began reading Eat, Pray, Love which revealed to me an alternate defence mechanism which I had inside of me but was more or less untapped until now.

To cut the chase short- I meditated today. Summoning all my belief in my core- the nucleus of my being – the limitless relentless energy that subsides within me, I sat cross-legged on the bed and did the dhyana. I shut my eyes. My hands rested on my shin, gently clasped together. I concentrated into the darkness around. In my mind I kept wading through, descending deeper and deeper into the confines of my being. I calmly discarded all thoughts away from the path I was creating. Like gigantic translucent round objects, the unwanted thoughts would come to me one by one and I would catch hold of them to save my head and would hurl them back into the universe. Never halting in the way. As I'd fling it back the ball like thing would shatter into a thousand little pieces and vanish eventually. No single thought tried messing with my brain again. And when no new thought would come, I tried to softly suppress the voices in my head that were hell bent on conversing with me. Dissuading me from this silly pose I was sitting in and the thing called ‘meditation’. Almost reflexively, I pictured a big brown wobbly chest. The voices were coming out from this chest. I gathered all my strength to shut the chest and once I overpowered it and I sat atop it – cross-legged again.

Now was the time for some good thoughts. I pictured a meadow, all green and serene, with birds and cats and dogs playing around peacefully- a beautiful quite sound filled up my senses.. may be it was the trees. Then I pictured a stream.. a small stream. I walked upto it, barefooted throughout. And I sat down near it. I was bathed in calm and peace by then. It was not bliss I think because bliss has to be extraordinary. But it was the beginning of a belief in this thing that was happening in my head and I was liking it so much there. I had no desire to get up or even move. I must have enjoyed the scenic beauty for a while.

But soon the mind came back to reality and I realised I was on the bed with my eyes closed. My hair stroked my cheek and I wanted to brush them away but I let them be. I felt a tingling sensation on the shoulder but I let that be. I accepted that. Just like I was ready to accept the universe outside and the world within me.

I wasn’t seeking much actually.. I had tried this thing so as to check if there’s any peace inside. I was so on the right path. For once I did NOT do the soul-searching I do all the time. I stopped time for myself. I forbade me to think of the uncertainties of the future and mistakes of the past. For once I tried to truly and completely accept what the universe has to offer. It was not an attempt not to think, but an attempt to choose what to think. I didn’t let my mind wander from the path that I was wading through. The meadow and chest of voices were there but the path was the constant state of mind. It felt as if there were many miles to go, to where I didn’t know. But even the distance made happy because the journey was like nourishing me. There was one more belief now -- that in time the darkness that I was walking and running within would go away and turn to light. The destination as well as the path would brighten up, showing me a beautiful landscape.

I have been confused for a long time now. And I have always ran to people for peace. I always knew it was temporary. But this seemed promising for this was inside of me. No one can take away the core of me. It has abundant - unlimited energy – it IS the source of all energy. I did not decide when to stop meditating. I was completely oblivious of the time. I could have been sitting cross-legged for five minutes or it could have been an hour, for all I knew. But after a while I could feel that I was being thrown out of the delirium! I could feel that the journey was not over and that there are many miles to go but for today it was enough. I could only accept..my core was throwing me out afterall. I said a few nice things that I wanted to say out loud. I could not help but pray a little. Me, Neha the one whose relationship with religion has always been a choice between deciding whether I was an atheist or an agnostic!
I just prayed that let this training continue and that I will come again. When opened my eyes I felt refreshed and calm. For a long long time I had not been this clear-eyed and focussed even after eight hours of sleep.

:)

All this happened in about half an hour (I checked the time afterward) of sitting still and assuming charge. It was not about letting go and relaxation. It was foremost about gaining control. It was accepting and believing that henceforth my core will be the boss of me. Not my heart not my mind. Just that mystical source of power inside of me. I always used to jibe about the things they said about ‘controlling the senses’ in our spiritual sessions in school. I used to think it was an impossible to perform, theoretical effete piece of Vedic knowledge. Now I know better.

This has been possible cz of the Pray part of the book. The belief stemmed from reading it. I hate to imitate or to get so influenced by people or experiences in their lives. I believe in imbibing what I can and should and leaving the rest. But this once it seemed to be the rightest thing to do. I would be foolish not to follow my instinct. :)

Friday, May 14, 2010

Eating, Praying, Loving

Dear Diary,

I have nothing much to say here but confess that i have wasted 2 days back to back. My next exam is of Labour Law but so much has been happening lately in and around me that studying seems to be the last thing on my mind. (Yea yea.. i will i will..just after i finish with you.)

I just listened to this wonderful song from ABBA.. i js love the band.. the songs named 'when all is said and done'.. it is such an honest song.. The first stanza goes like this:


Heres to us one more toast and then well pay the bill
Deep inside both of us can feel the autumn chill
Birds of passage, you and me
We fly instinctively
When the summers over and the dark clouds hide the sun
Neither you nor Im to blame when all is said and done


Anyhow.. i am trying to be as positive as i can be. Trying to fight off the demons of the mind. This time i know i won't buckle down. :)

I have been reading this wonderful wonderful book these days. It's called Eat, Pray, Love.. someone (my jiaji) gifted it to me and I am so happy he did! You know I always think of certain books as a dish or cuisine.. some are too sweet, some too salty.. some too weird but fun and some simply abominable. Some we have to have to finish in one read ..those that flow easily and we are able to swallow the words like noodles or macaroni..there's hardly any patience to chew! Some books are like the mundane food we eat..we'll eat it alright but we won't recall the taste once our plate is wiped clean. A very rare breed are those books which take us with them and make us travel.. like eating authentic food in an ethnic setting.. picture eating authentic Chinese or Thai or Mexican food that makes you feel like you have actually travelled the distance. And then there is the quintessential variety of Classics that are like good old maggie or malai kofta or daal makhni or shahi paneer or parantha or chawal-daal that becomes your staple diet and you order it each time you are ordering not just for the taste but for the familiarity it brings to your table. And then ~ there are books like the one I am reading ~ Eat, Pray, Love..which is like the mouthwatering dessert that you have before dinner and then forget about the dinner! Of course this categorization is in my head and needless to say reflective of my life and times! 

Eat, Pray, Love is not an unputdownable read. It is a book you can re-read. I see it as a chocolate truffle that I wanna relish and savour..trying to keep it rolling under my tongue for longer and longer till it melts and slides! It would be a shame to finish it in one go...the joy of reading does not lie in the end; it is in the journey. More than the book I think the timing for me to be reading it is perfect. There could not have been a righter book for the righter time. The last 'dessert book' to me was The Kite Runner...there are many more names to boot but may be later in the post.

I don't wanna give away why it is doing to me what I so wanted done to me. I just know that while reading it in the last few days I have come across instances and passages that tell my own story and relieve me of burdens i have a habit of carrying around.. I hope I don't sound overt here but I just wanna keep reading it for the simple things of life. And before I shut it at night and switch off the lights..I look at the remaining pages and do an invisible jig inside of me. that there is still halfway to go :)

More when i finish it. And oh- a word to the author- Elizabeth Gilbert ~ "Excellanto!"

PS: more about spritualism later

More dessert books: Jane Eyre, Kite Runner, Life of Pi, Memoirs of a Geisha, and i wont shy away from mentioning ALL Harry Potters. More but later. Have to rush. 

Lots of love

Monday, April 26, 2010

Champak Champak!

Whenever I get on with a book, I have the habit of doing a little research about the author on Google/ Wikipedia. The author's background, childhood, growing up years and education interest me no end. The ups and downs of the writer's life give me food for thought and this way I enjoy the book all the more. May be it's about getting familiar with the life and times in which the book was written. 

Today I was starting with Catch-22 - an e-book version given to me by a good friend of mine. I hadn't even begin with the second page that I felt the urge to know more about its author- Joseph Heller. Among many other things about the author, it also was said that while in his teenage he had written a short story and sent it to New York Daily News, which never got published.

This little anecdote from his life took me back to an anecdote from mine. It was around about the time when I was eleven-years old. I am still retrieving my memory as I type. And its making me smile! Feels like I'm travelling in time! So here's how the recollection goes: When young I used to be all gung-ho about story books - in Hindi/English both. I had a huge collection of Champaks, Nandans, Suman-Saurabhs, Nanhe-Samrats etc etc. And this was before I was introduced to the world of proper books.. except of course Enid Blyton. So, well, I loved reading these children-books, specially Champak! I loved reading it more than I loved cycling in rain, I loved it more than my favourite dish or anything a 5th class girl loves to do! I used to hop on my little cycle and do the rounds of the bookstall even before the chappie had laid out the books and magazines. I am sure that he was positively sick of me, the guy.. and considered me demented! Because though I gave him good business but I was always inquiring whether the newer edition of so & so book/magazine has arrived and the looks he gave smacked of pure exasperation! Every week without fail I used to chance upon some money and buy those kiddo books.. (i never called them comics.. those were proper short-story books, so what if they didn't have a hardcover!) I still don't know how I got the monies..I never remember my parents buying me those fortnightly mags. Though I do remember stashing them away in the cupboard so they don't stumble upon my treasure trove! So, well a little from the drawer, a little from the balance left from grocery shopping and my book-money was secure.. a copy of Champak used to cost Rs. 7 and later Rs.10...the price of other such mags was reciprocal.


So, one fine day, I got up and arrived at the conclusion that I was to write a story and as soon as that was done, I was to send it to a writing competition that was being organised by Champak -- which predominantly carried moralistic tales about protagonists the likes of Pintu, the monkey and Chintu, the rabbit..et al! 

So well, I drafted my story with much deliberation. It had a 'something for everyone' style I thought would enhance my prospects of getting selected! It had an innate twist that my little mind of eleven could foster. And not to mention, it had humans in it, thankfully! It was about how on the festival of Holi a little boy - my hero- saved the day by showing courage and wisdom - how he gallantly fought with my villains - the terrorists- and like an ace champion emerged victorious! Hurrah :P

So well.. I jotted down the story on few sheets of my notebook one evening. Feeling rather smug at the thought of my accomplishment-to-be, I reached my school the next morning. But I was afraid that my dear story would get rejected for the mere fact that my handwriting was nowhere short of being neat, in fact to some it could seem horrible! So I got hold of a friend of mine, whose handwriting I liked best, and begged her to write it down for me. I gave her brand-new sheets out of my practical-file to carry out the favour. Like a goooood friend she wrote it down (thanks, charu!) and next day handed it back. I don't really recall posting it but I think I did send it because I remember being ever-so-eager to buy the next issue of Champak.

:( Alas! My story did not win the competition! Someone else's story about a monkey did. :P

:( And the author's name did not even suggest it was written by someone my age! Not fair, my heart revolted! I was sad but it must have lasted ten minutes. :)



Thursday, April 22, 2010

Ye Lo

Dear Diary,
I got up late. Had a glass of water. Read a few papers. And there I was studying away to a good mood. But then I stopped. Like a zombie I roamed around the house. Like a zombie I sprawled on the bed staring at the nothingness above me. I finally got hungry. Feeling little happy about the hunger I went downstairs and had a sandwich. Came up and the zombieness continued. I bathed panther thinking he deserves a bath in this horrid summer heat. I thought something worthwhile, to remember the day by. And then I slept. Until disturbed by the workmen's plans to cut in a part of the wall and slash out some space for god knows which wires. I got up and I went downstairs to watch television—the dumbest thing on earth unless of course if FRIENDS or a similar show is  on. So then I watched some tv and here I am all ready to study. But I thought how about something to write. So though I admit it is in an effort to postpone the study routine that I am typing away this nonsense.
Ok..enough of lazing around. Study girl, study.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Lifting of the Writer's Block

Something is the matter with me. Otherwise why would I not write for so long? A feeling so unfamiliar would keep haunting me, fighting within me. Every time I would decide to write something I would be held back. Writer's block perhaps. This is an effort to lift the blockade.

Words are magical when inscribed. Their magic should never subside.

I write the most when emotions overpower me. I find solace in words and peace in venting. But I would not let the emotions flow..I would not let myself tread even near the gulf of desire and wanting. I am somewhere in between. Halfway to where I belong. But nothing should beat me, halt me, stop me.

Love to all
N


Saturday, March 27, 2010

LoVe


The feeling when your legs seem feather-weight, your heart seems to be lifted up with a hot air balloon, up and up and up it flies, light throughout; your lips mouth beautiful songs and your mind is at peace. When all of your good sense and conscience tell you it is right. It is right, oh so right. When no matter what others think you have your path all chalked out. Is that love? Or is it some delusional nonsense we rom-com lovers have been fed over years? That never really holds true in real life?

Sometimes I wonder if real love really exists. And how does it feel like. Does it make one feel fear-free? Does it remain all the time? A friend of mine who is in love for the past many years once told me that it ebbs and flows. I liked the expression but never really understood. I thought it to mean that a time comes when one feels deeply in love and then a time comes when one doesn't.. all this while being in love. The mystery of love is never-ending. And i shouldn't even dare attempt to solve. Life happens.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Law Fac Diary

My life at Law Fac.. reading a college mate's blog set my mind galloping about the corridors and classrooms, canteen and nescafe, offices and garden of my college and how I feel about studying here. I come from a college where I felt more out of place than let's say..had i been studying Journalism on Jupiter. Yeah. I never felt I belonged and I never invested. Period. The place was a bore for me and all I wanted was for my grad to get over!! The fake attitude of people around, the shallow banter, the stupid, I repeat, stupid hole of a canteen (hehe.. it should be aired on TV smday!!), the lack of any kind of intellectual stimulation, and of course the library of all libraries where one was not allowed to scroll through bookshelves..(i still have trouble believing that) where all books were stacked nicely albeit locked inside glass-pane..locked!! One couldn't even have the contentment of holding a book in the hand and go over a few passages before deciding to get it issued.. you only got to touch a book if you were to issue it. Policy bizarre. Needless to say, I never used my library card in three years. Not once. The idea of a locked library was akin to keeping those lovely books in confinement. To me all those books seemed to be shedding tears. And the teachers.. those who were good left mid-sem, those who remained flirted, those who flirted were definitely popular, and the non flirting non leaving teachers (read lady teachers) were simply bad at teaching! :P Ok, i know i am being too harsh... :P the staircase on which students used to sit was nice... the pigeon droppings that covered the ground made us feel one with nature. hehe.. ok it wasn't all that bad! The students who had 'fun' really had great fun and made friends for a lifetime. I just didn't belong.. i was a square peg to the round hole perhaps! 

So, when I entered law fac.. it had really good chance of making a good impression considering the past record of my grad college! I think of law fac fondly. Naturally. I don't care if our classes don't have air conditioning systems.. it has trees all around. The library is one of the best in the country, no really. And the Fac is in campus.. the core of student life in Delhi. The students have some intellectual level.. it is possible to have a sensible discussion.. there is a debate and seminar group, guests are regularly called in for lectures after college hours. Something I enjoy attending.. given that the topic interests me. 
There are many around us who crib about the infrastructure, the ever empty water tank, the decrepit and ancient canteen, the nescafe counter where there is the same boring and limited menu every day ( but i am thankful for it!), and how can i forget.. the so called 'crowd' which according to many isn't hep enough.. those things hardly bother me. I like the fact that there are so many people from different backgrounds and lifestyles.. there is a considerable student population which is not doing law just to take it up as a profession but also because they like studying it. I like this attitude.

When my classes began, I never spent any time with my classmates..I was busy at other places. In third semester also it was pretty much the same.. I had taken up intership at HC so i was busy there. I don't even remember the third sem except for the time spent in Court. But now things seem to have changed a little. I enjoy being with my friends. I try to discipline myself .. attending classes regularly..(ok, i skipped nearly whole of last month but i had reasons a plenty!) I spend time with friends.. I have begin to take out time to be with them..the neha who used to run to HC to work, has come out of the shell she had created around herself. I enjoy studying law.. specially constitutional law .. i always knew i would like it .. it has taken my fancy even more now. The teachers however, are a mixed bag.. some good some bad, some too bad! (we students never spare our teachers, do we?) But it is good. i don't have sky high expectations. Nescafe or Nirulas,.. or the roadside chai-wallah and maggie wala .. i like them all! :) geeee And the cherry on the cake was the recently concluded CLC Fest called Ichthus..a similar fest has never taken place in the Law Fac. The fest gave all a time to bond, party and groove to the music being played by bands which had come to perform. I was happy to see the change in me. I was happy to see me happy. I think I am bringing back the confidence I had lost in the last year.   

Anyway.. this was not what i came here for. It is about my attitude towards the law fac that has changed with time..and of course it took me nearly two years to develop that bond. 
I do feel I belong here.. cz i respect this place. The fact that it is Delhi Univ makes me feel good. It is so important to have an alma mater you are proud of :) and despite all its hooliganism and madness and babudom of the college administration.. i love the place and look forward to going tomorrow!




Night Out

I was in a 'lost' mood all evening..was just lost in thoughts and though i had made the plan for the night out (on the road in the car), but when we actually set out for the drive and dinner.. i was lost again..in my thoughts.. my usual fervour and banter all gone. I cud see didi trying to cheer me up.. and i was trying hard to get into the playful mode.. for her sake and mine. I could feel something was bogging me down. Some feeling unknown.. mystified..too deep for comprehension..it was not unfamiliar though. I want to break free from that what is keeping me down. I so wanna fly. All said and done..in the end.. i know what is happening and why..

I recommend Wok In the Clouds in Rajouri Garden and a little Breezer thereafter.. dropping in at friends's place is also not a bad idea given you have good music playing..:) we had all of these today.. and i tried to immerse in the music, the moment and the cheer..being out all night is the second best thing one can do all night long.... ;)

Will write in more later

Love ya

Me

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Women Reservation Bill: Lok Kiya Jaye?





Sometimes we come across issues and political debates where there are no rights and wrongs. There are only belief systems that people propound amidst the loud cacophony of conflicting interests, conventional thinking and  their own moral values. One such debate is about the Woman Reservation Bill (WRB) that was passed by the Rajya Sabha recently and is stated to be tabled in the Lok Sabha in the months to come. Like audience to a tennis match, I had been sitting across the court, my head swinging left-right-left-right to the various shots (and potshots) the pro and anti WRB lobby hit each other with and while doing so I realized that while all root for participation of women and their better engagement in Indian politics but different people (men and women alike) have different degrees to which they support this particular Bill.

While a few dismiss the bill at the very face of it, many are in support with it as long as certain changes are brought about to it. There is a lobby that seeks to have a sub-quota within the quota and there are many who support it just because they want to be seen as pro-women while some oppose it because they simply do not believe in the philosophy of  reservation whether for women, for scheduled castes, scheduled tribes or other backward classes. 

Pacifists like me are mostly optimist as far as reservation is concerned. We see what we would like to see. They tell us reservation is a solution and we look at it hopefully, with susurrations of parity, equality, social equity and political voice to all ringing in our ears. We haven't really felt the change so far, whatever change that has been has clearly not trickled down to the underprivileged masses. Not yet. But because we want the change so bad, we presume that there has been. It is akin to saying that because we want protection we take for granted the existence of God. It sounds acceptable in the context of the Almighty but does it work in this society? I would like to see some report on reservation. An analysis with some statistics pertaining how, when and where exactly reservation worked, which community benefited, how long would they be needing it and when should it be lifted for that particular class/caste/group. An assessment to see how far reservation has helped and in which areas, whether that of education, employment, legislature, judiciary, whether it worked well and where it is proving to bring more disparity than equity, is long overdue. It will not only be an eye-opening exercise but will also lead to a better planning for such endeavors in future. 


Reservation, from the time it was inserted into the Constitution, was not meant as a gift neither was it a charity for any community. It was a method by which the caste-ridden society like ours was to crawl out from beneath the legacy of the oppressive caste system. Whereby under-represented and marginalized groups were to be given opportunities on a quota basis keeping in mind that the same were denied to these groups for all these years in many spheres like employment, education, legislature etc. Those were the basics. How far have we reached? My research on the topic lead me to a report  on Impact of Reservation Policy in Higher Education in India by the Tata Institute of Social Sciences (TISS). Why don't we have more of these? And if we do why don't we have them circulated massively?

Coming back to the Woman Reservation Bill, one finds that though the idea of larger representation of woman  is much coveted by all (including men) but the higher up you move in the echelons of academicia and experts on Indian politics and society, the less celebratory the tone becomes. This is because though the end is desirable, there are many aspersions clouding the means.

The system of rotation, it is feared, would do more harm than good to any constituency. It will give less incentive and motivation for an MP to bring about better facilities to his constituency. He will serve not those for whom he has worked. Seems like a lose-lose situation. The question as to whether there should be a sub-quota within a quota is also an interesting one and makes sense to me. Besides, if the underlying purpose of WRB is to increase the number of women lawmakers in the country, which is at present close to a dismal 10 per cent even after 63 years of Independence, then why not make a law thereby making it compulsory for political parties to have an intra-party quota for fielding women candidates? There is hardly any democracy within any of the major national political parties. Corruption, greed and self-interest are the deciding factors as to who will lead the party, it is even more blatant when these parties distribute tickets at the time of elections. The answer to this is that our society is such that it becomes nearly impossible for women candidates to win elections against dominant male candidates. Is there any study supporting this particular argument? I would like to read. And even though I am a woman, this counter argument sounds like the cry of a bad loser to me. But keeping in mind the holistics of the whole debate would I decide to do without the Bill all together? I would say no. A helpless but incontrovertible no. That's the dilemma shrouding this Bill, it makes it tough to take a firm stand, wheresoever one may be sitting.

The WRB is not being lauded in its essence it is being seen as a precursor to what is sought after and in that we say our cheers. The Bill shows us a metaphorical tunnel at the other end of which lies a (wishful?) end to discrimination, infanticide, female foeticide, dowry deaths, oppression of women and their ultimate empowerment. And thus, we cheer for it. However, difficult questions are a plenty, and many an eyebrows have been raised and rightly so. The Women Reservation Bill comes with an asterisk -- the real deal we are yet to know. Till then, don't touch that remote!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

yak yak yak

The faces we see on facebook.. it is an illusion, isnt it? Behind those smiles sometimes there is so much pain, behind that pain there are so many stories.. some stories we see, some stories we hear and some we live. The ones we live we consider the toughest. I know all that crap about being happy.. about not being a worrier, about seeing the brighter side and about their being a God. But for once i dont care and i dont want those damn motivational quotes. Yea they are true and yea they mean no harm. But for one second let it rain tears..for my story. Hua kuch nahi hai.. hua kuch bhi to nahi hai..tab bhi aankhein nam hai.. dil kehta hai kuch to hai jo sahi nahi hai..all that happens in all lives right.. koi badi gal ni hai.. main to anyway choti si gal hu :p
I know that ultimately all happens for the best. Bad patches of life lead us to the good ones.. if we dont know sadness we wont know whats being happy  I know i know i know..encouraging quotes.com.. But presently i am living in the moment... sad hu to kya hua.. sad hi to hu
vaise ab theek ho rahi hu :)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Nah..not a gud tym. For wisdom tooth or for my laptop adapter to go
kaput.. D pain in d jaw is piercingly sharp..so much dat pain killers
are needd al d tym to bear it. Dancing wid one tooth killing me .. Nt
a gud idea either. Bt v gotta do wat v gotta do! Cmin bac to d
laptop.. D adapter got fused again..cz of faulty wiring at home i
gues. Phew..nvrmind..i hv my celphone!
Tday morn wen i got up n saw my face - al swollen n sad..n tooth
aching bad.. It pulled me dwn a bit. Who wants a puffd up face at her
sisters wedding?! And to top it all, a neighbourhud lady said 'hai
re..bachi ka chehra kaisa udas ho gya hai! Ye to sbse khili khili
rehti thi hamesha!' and dwn went my mood further! Lol.. I made up a
joke quickly though n slippd inside! Umm..hungry nw.. U tk cr..lv

--
Sent from my mobile device

Saturday, February 6, 2010

The haze before the storm


Hey Deary!

I am just back from college. I hardly had any class today but I did attend one seminar which was about Legal Profession..the speaker was some eminent Advocate who practices at the SC mostly and whom i have seen many a times at the HC Chief Justice's Courtroom.. he is always sitting on the defendant's side...he is a top notch Govt counsel I presume. Nice soft speaker with oodles of knowledge about Literature besides Law! A combination soooooo alluring to me!

I don't know if i have mentioned it to you but of late i have been feeling kinda reluctant to take decisions about my career..i know i keep procrastinating about the ultimate place i wanna be.. the tussle being between my desire to pursue Law itself or just bravely change gears and get back into Journalism...deeper down these two roads I have chalked out for myself certain serious and confirmed parameters about what kinda Journalism I want to pursue and what kinda law practice I would want to get into. Sometimes knowing too much confuses you all the more..and thats the case with me I suppose, given the slew of internships and jobs that i have held before! Ofcourse I regret none of those stints..except perhaps the one in at ANI..a multimedia news agency. Anyway.. the point i was getting into was that after the seminar today i felt heaps better than lets say last night with regard my career. I felt the suffocation lifting.. I even gained some long lost confidence. :) But that is not the end of the problem! Far from it! Though I still can't say which road I'm gonna tread on, at least I'm again seeing the roads clearly.. without much haze. The problem was never the roads.. the problem was the haze. And you know what my heart says I would do? I would continue in law for sometime while still continuing my writing and ultimately end up in journalism. :P Not much of a 'choice' is it?? 

So, what else... ok that thing i cant tell you about, that thing too and that other thing too! So, bye for now!

Neha

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Smthin smthin

Hi dear blog, i write to u from deep down d confines of two blankets n
a shawl.. I hv got fvr n bad cold..bt thats immaterial..cz thr r othr
things i must tel ya.
1. New car, finally a sedan! Red Honda City 2010! Cant wait to see
papa drive it! I put to use all 'sam dam dand bhed' 4 him to agree for
it..my last bit of emotional atyachar wrkd wndrs..! Now a brand new
car 4 him..our first luxry sedan!!
2. D wedding..i tell u its the most difficult event mgmt in d wrld! So
many characters n props n logistics.. N plots! Biggest show sans a
stage!
3. I hv dcidd to mk that extra effort to b cheerful. This cud b d last
lap! Js one life - my wanting smone smway wont alter d reality that
stares me in d face. Ppls lives beliefs feelings change with time! Wat
they wr, who they wr..these things change..! So one shud accept in
tym. My standing here waiting or wailing..neither will bring to me wat
i want n hw i want. I tel myself wat i alws blivd in doing - js gather
al happines u see arnd..n try multiplying it for othrs! Mwaaaaaah!
4. Im gonna dance in frnt of evryone at d sangeet function! Blush! Blush!
Ok, rest later. Lvya, N

--
Sent from my mobile device

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Something something

Without equality, liberty would produce the supremacy of the few over the many. Equality without liberty would kill individual initiative. Without fraternity, liberty and equality could not become a natural course of things..
--Ambedkar

1. I miss writing..i miss seeing my name in print.. however many articles i may have written ..but each time it bore my name, I had a feeling of satisfaction. Ofcourse i don't point at the series of silly stories i had to do..but those were part of the job.. if doing those stories was the price I had to pay to be doing my kind of stories then so be it..and anyway beginners are not choosers.. so i did what came my way..trying to subtly filter out the frivolous stuff my own way. 

2. Today I read about a few summer programmes which i am interested in..but more than that i am keen to work. There is simply so much to do (professionally) once the wedding is over that I am already getting excited about the prospects.

3. After college today .. my car hit the pavement.. little noise but no damage was done. On my left I saw a rickshaw topple and down came 2/3 girls. I pulled over to help them out but my mind kept racing whether it was my fault. Whether it was my car that hit them. For a while i thought it was and i was shocked..but later the girls and other told me that it wasn't. My friend also later raced her brains and said that it couldn't have been our car. The rickshaw puller and the girls agreed. Anyhow, without wasting a second we rushed the girl and the rickshaw puller to Hindurao Hospital...a government hospital in Malkaganj.. in complete disarray. Notwithstanding all that I was happy that they (the docs and the interns and the nurses) did their job fine. We stayed at the hospital for a long time..the girl got a fracture in wrist and the rickshaw puller complained of chest pain. I think the rickshaw guy would be fine soon. Lots of things happened thereafter the details of which are immaterial..including FIR and police ppl and tonnes of crying. Sometimes incidents or should i say accidents like these make you realise how important each moment is .. and how very important each individual is. The girl is going to have her surgery / operation of wrist tomorrow. Poor girl is a 2nd year grad student from Nepal. Though me and my friend kept our cool and acted at real adults at the time..but the thought of what could have happened has been haunting me all evening. Wish her a speedy recovery.

4. I wish i knew where i was heading and that goes for all the ducks in my life..

5. :) K.I.S.S formula needed



Sunday, January 24, 2010

Shania Mania

Facts of the Nut-Case..i.e. me!
1. I am mad about Shania Twain.. her music, her history, her looks.. her hair .. her style.. ok.. now i am on the verge of being called a freak but the woman is classy! :)..have been a fan all these years but after having heard "Any Man of Mine" after so many years yesterday night, along with "You're still the one; .. and 'Dont be Stupid', and ' That don't impressing me much!' from her earlier albums and all sons from Up! i think she deserves a standing ovation for her music..that has the most definitive countryside feel to it coupled with wonderful themes! The fact that she actually writes almost all of the songs that she sings, makes her simply outstanding an artist!




Her songs, if you've been following .. have a liberating feel to them.. these songs more often that not celebrate womanhood in the most carefree and naughty fashion.. hear '
Nah!' if you've ever been dumped and you would know what I mean! 'She's not just a pretty face', I ain't no quitter' and 'It only hurts when i am breathing'. and 'Ka ching'..are some other numbers that I have loved from her albums. In her songs a girls expectations are stated in a matter-of-fact way that is so cute and fun and any guy who knows his girl, better smile in agreement!




When it comes to romantic numbers her songs have a background of an everlasting kind of dreamy love.. which just makes you wanna flow with the music.. she talks of years and years of togetherness of 'always' and 'forevers' in the most non-cheesy way possible. Hear '
When you kiss me', 'Forever and for always', 'Thank you baby', and of course my all time favorite song that gives me the goosebumps..! 'You're still the one'..aaaah... :) And don't even let me get started on the fabulous videos to her songs which kick my observation that 'good songs have ugly videos' below the belt!




And as for the person she is.. coming from the background she had in Canada..it seems her music is not just music for music sake. When you read about her the liberating feel I talked about earlier doesn't just remain figurative anymore. Her parents divorced when she was 2 and her mother got remarried..she started singing at local bars at the age of eight to fend for her family..she wrote her first song at the age of ten..I find that awe-inspiring..i don't know facts about her personal life though, but this much is enough to make one admire her mettle and her talent. And even though beauty is considered skindeep.. i would say that hers is the 'icecream beauty'.. see for urself in '
any man of mine'..the most wonderful video everrrrrrr made..:) no girl would deny that!



2. Today is 24 January...nothing special about it.. but i got up with a smile and i am still smiling :)


3. Good music is the soul of life..good reads are the life of life..and good writes are the oeuvre of all the music and the reads!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Incomplete

I dont want to write. Something has happend to me. I have stopped wanting to write. But I also know it won't last long..so no fretting. But how can that be? How can your salvation become your sin? So i am making an effort to write tonite. I have missed you, afterall. :)


These days are moving fast. The wedding day is coming nearer and nearer and before we would even know it would be February. There is so much going on in my head that it is tough to settle and write a chronicle. Everyday is a task. The task is to be finished. There are so many logistics, lists, considerations that in totality is seems an arduous project. But it is ok.. i know it will be a grand wedding for my sister :).. and everything we're doing is gonna be amazing fun eventually!


Heyy..I was fine till now...till the dementors attacked. Wanna write cheerfully. Can i come back later? I will. 


Lv
nea 

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Some random threads

30th Dec 2009
I want to see the world. I want to go out.. i want my bags packed..wanna book some ticket to some unknown obscure place.. and just get in the train.. just for the journey. I wanna see the country.. I wanna see the town and the cities and the villages and the rivers and the lakes that we have or have not even heard about. I want to sip hot tea from some decrepit old teastall.. where they also sell mathri and strange biscuits..the tea would taste like nothing i have tasted before! good! and then i want to go looking around.. i know i am going to get some strange stares...those mostly emanating from strange men.. i might take a fancy to one of them and concoct an entire love affair in my head.. and just then the train would give a sudden jerk and i would come to my senses. I want to be in some train, listening to the music of the engine.. soon the wheels on the tracks would begin a rhapsody! I might want to get down at some lonesome but inviting platform..or i may decide to sit till the end! Then i would get down atlast and sit on my luggage and gorge on something locally made.. like vada pao in bombay or utthapam in South or something hot. I wouldn't care two hoots about the quality of that stuff.. i would just accept. Then I would roam around a bit..preferably at night.. in and out of the lanes and bylanes of that place..take a rickshaw if they have one and just feel the freedom.. get down now and then.. take a picture of moments i do not want to let go. and then i would do some shopping.. buy anything that i know would take me back in time to that place. I just wanna be by myself. No plans no bookings.. i wanna travel on my own.

3rd Jan 2010

I so wanna go out..leave Delhi for a while. I love my city.. but i want to live on my own..make new friends or maybe not.. see life my way.. just go go gooooooooooooooooooooo out and have some fun.. no timings.. no tension .. no questions and no excuses.. just freedom.. wonder if i will ever have that kinda freedom.. and i want to open myself to the idea of friends.. for too long now i have kept myself in this cocoon..i'm finding it too small...  or may be too empty that i can hear my own echo when i speak! Perhaps what i need is a bigger canvas.. a higher picture.. a different life! There are so many places i want to see.. so many sights i want to witness.. so much i want to do.. the adventures i wanna be a part of.. to make the stories that i have only read in books so far.. sometimes i feel like i will burst with the rigorous thought process going on in my mind! There is so much energy in my head.. so much-- so much-- so much...as if the atoms and the molecules are running.. faster faster faster....like they do under heat! And then when the energy in my head exhausts itself and I settle down..the comfort of status-quo tries to over power it all.. like a shadow.. i fight it but it wins.. it wins because the rigmarole of everyday life is much more 'real' and urgent and pressing than the images in my head. These images get washed away in time, by the ever-immediate needs of 'now' and general expectations people have from me.. but i long for those images.. i long to set me free.. i long to just go for once..

Into the Wild

Sunday, Jan 3, 2010.


Watched Into the Wild.. a fascinating yet distressing story of Christopher McCandless..your usual graduate with fighting parents, who left his urban life to try and live off the land.. hitch-hiking his way around the continent. The story is a true one. Christopher went by the name Alexander Super-Tramp..burned all his money in the wallet.. donated the rest to charity...travelled far and wide.. in complete solitude.. made friends with fellow tramps.. gave up all things material.. and followed his ambition to go to Alaska..where eventually after 113 days he died out of starvation caused by eating inedible potato root. The story is gross and at times one feels that the guy is stupid as he could have saved his life had he cared to carry some essential supplies and some experience of living in the forest. Though one has to admire his guts but the fact that he left his parents to mourn after him -- i found it unjust. We do not have the right to give that kind of sadness to anyone. We do not have the right to just die when their are people who us so much. And to inflict that pain on those who love you who saw you grow up..who dreamed about your happiness ..is just not right. These people might even hate you upfront but you just don't make someone suffer because you are obsessed about something. Hey.. i'm not just blabbering about the movie here.. lots to this effect has been going on in my head.. about the kind of hurt that is human and why one should not be subjected to more pain than is justified.
You know, we underestimate pain. We do it all the time. Maybe that is the defence mechanism of the soul and hats off to it. But to be feeling something that is not meant to be felt... to be going through such mental agony which is fitting for something much worse and not for what has actually happened, is not right. It is NOT the way nature or fate planned things. So don't let yourself do that to you. If you are in such a situation, then there is something major wrong going on inside of you.. something you need to set right.


I don't write that difficult, but still,  if you understand it.. congratulations!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Yappy Hew Near!!!



Hey! I woke up with a happy feeling today! So I am keeping all my cynicism aside for once! Wish you a very happy new year and a new decade. Just now i realised what importance this decade shall hold for me and those around me. :) It shall be the time when the course of our lives shall change routes and lead us to what we shall call 'my life' after a few more decades! Cheers to all. Love to all.
Neha

Thursday, December 31, 2009

JLT

Looks lyk my house has turnd against me. First d plumbing pickd on
me..so my roof began to leak..then it ws the d walls..on wich ghastly
figures hv appeard dat scare me in d nite, js nw d wiring turnd
hostile..d lights gav up n in came horrible pungent smell of burnin
wire..so i had to shift places cz of d fear of it bcming a gas chamber
4 me..no fun dying in sleep, no? So im camping in mums room 4 d
nite..mum dad camping in drawing room..i realise its warmer in here.
I watchd three fantastic movies tday. Yeah! Three..a record..ws alone
at hm all day. So wel these wr:
1. Life is Beautiful
2. Before Sunset
3. Before Sunrise
fantastic films..got me thinking. If u dnt philosophise much..then 2nd
n 3rd mite nt enthral u lyk it did me. Bt a MUST WATCH 4 those who
enjoy digging deeper n messing up their lives dat way. :)
And ya, a quote i so lvd..from d third movie- "memories are wonderful,
as long as u dont hv to deal wid d past"..
P.S: I hvnt wishd anyone a Happy New Year yet..if only new years wr
really abt being happy n new!

--
Sent from my mobile device

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Year ender

This year has changed a lot in my life. But even if i choose to hate it I cannot wipe off its existence. Sitting here in the dark..I mourn tonite. Things are changing in my life and more changes are going to take place.. however much i wish or want ... the times, the people, the relationships, and their beauty will not remain forever.. it will change and i will have to just let go.

Forever- this word is a fictional fabrication. For whatever is there today shall change tomorrow.. the change might not be recognizable to all.. but it would have begun to happen long before we realise it. And i hate to realise such a change. So much damage has already been done.. I don't want any more to take place. I know I sound paranoid but everything we feel, we feel for a reason. I am not fretting in vain.

I hate this time of the year when one is pushed into doing some sort of retrospection and more often than not this annual odyssey inside one's head leads one to discomfiture, gloom and anxiety. Of course, the sun shall shine with the same brilliance the next year, the chill i feel today shall be the same in a couple of days more. Just as crossing national borders does not mean the topography of a region shall change, similarly there's hardly any difference when we enter into a new year. Yet in our mind..things change. And even the biggest pessimist in the world would agree that a new year does bring in fresh hopes and aspirations with it. And the biggest optimist would not deny that their heart is filled with surmises of the year gone by. Retrospection and introspection continue unabated.

I have lost a lot this past year. Things that should have been there 'forever'! I feel I should have done better. But of course circumstances are not always in our favour. I wish I were unaware of these changes. I wish they would happen in stealth. But they just wont. And I am not talking about one person in particular. My brother, my friend and the thing I thought was lot deeper than it proved to be. It seems all is going.. and I dont want to feel it.

Friday, December 25, 2009

My blog turns 100 posts old!




Finally! My hundredth post! Feels nice.. feels like it is an achievement! Today it has been hundred times that in a hundred different ways this blog has helped me out. Pulled me out from deepest of pits of depression and held me close when I wanted to share my joy! So I am grateful for that and much more. Cheers to the blog!

So, what's happening in the muggle world? Here you go..it's a beautiful sunny day.. the year is 2009, the day is Friday and the time is 01:28 pm. And it so happens that today the world is celebrating Christmas. So Santa is taking rest..must be tired from his nocturnal sojourn around the world! I, on the other hand, am half tucked in layers of warm blanket and half propped up on the bed..so you can say that I am comfortable where I am. I am not celebrating Christmas tonite.. I don't feel like it much. So all those who are gonna have cake and turkey and pies and are gonna crowd up together around the Christmas Tree.. I wish you a merry Christmas.

And to me, I wish a Happy Hundredth Post!