what good wud a title do

Being 22 is no mean job. And I am not enjoying it. Firstly, there is this feeling that oh-God am I one of those who are twenty-two. Darn! My sis got married two months after her 22^nd birthday. And if that isn’t enough to scare the living daylights out of me, there is this feeling that I am insufficiently decked up and sent to the warfront. What –where- who- how-when?

I have seriously begun to feel that I am too naive. There are people around me who know so much and it all comes naturally to them-- how to handle people, how to see the reality, when to put a full stop, when to put your foot down, when to create a ruckus, when to say this-is-it, whom to believe, whom not to believe, when to say what, when to caress and when to keep distance. In fact people younger to me are better versed than me in the ways of the world. I have grown up in the same environment as them.. Was I sleeping all this while??? Was I? No, I just kept my distance. Even I should have picked up some clever foxy-stuff from the world around me perhaps. But I never wanted to, I still don't want to. And I don't want to be at loss bcz of my ignorance either.

People around me now seem to know saner stuff when it comes to men, women, relationships, etc etc.. Or is it that things going on in other people’s lives always seem less complicated than those in ours? Because till now I used to be someone whom people came to..I used to know stuff.. I used to be smarter in pacifying people, handling situations. Or was it just an illusion? Now it seems that the equation has changed. And I have become the doe-eyed mystified girl who isn’t real sure of her next step, who is so afraid of trusting her own decisions, who doesn’t want to give now, if that would mean emotional dependence; who promises herself everyday to never let anyone near her. I was not like this. I was happy and sure. I never cared about looks much .. I used to belong to the kind who value the brains..but suddenly my trust in myself, my decisions all seem to have shaken. You wouldn’t know your feeling. Try walking on slippery surface you might feel what I’m feeling. Unsure, perplexed, unsteady and weak in an alien land among people I know so well..but whom I barely know.


To hell with the ‘essential goodness’ crap..i always believed in. It was just that.. crap.

I just wrote this, but you know, this is NOT the kinda girl I wanna be. Those innocent ideas I don’t want to forego. I want to live in the old world where there was no resentment, distrust, no struggle within and no horror of being taken for a ride. When my own word was the last word to me.

Suddenly the scene changes. I recall Jab We Met. When Anshuman refuses to see things through Geet’s worldview and tells Aditya in his super-loser tone something to this effect: “Wo sochti hai zindagi ek sapna hai..wo sochti hai ye uske sapno ki duniya hai..wo sachai nahi dekhna chahti”


..and Aditya tells him mockingly, “Aur tumne use vishwas dila diya ki yeh uske sapno ki duniya nahi hai”