Monday, October 22, 2012

merit. yay!

I got my provisional exam result for LLM a few days back. To my surprise I scored a neat Merit in all subjects barring one. I am happy the dissertations have been all given merit and even some other papers where I wasn't sure I had performed well. Though marks are no hallmark of excellence to me, there is no reason why one must not be happy at having scored well. So yeah, I am happy with my performance though I also know I could have done heaps better - might have still scored the same - but still could have learned more had I put in more effort and not wasted time in everyday things.


I will be travelling much the next few days. I will try to post from these places but I cannot promise. I don't even know if I will carry the laptop.


The silence continues even as I speak. But I continue to make the hopeless effort by coming to the blog and posting. Some rituals must be observed.. even if for no reason at all.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Now I know why people turn to music. Since the time I have returned, I am feeling more lonely than ever. That's strange because it's lonely thats happening - not missing, not wishing, not longing. It could also be the fact that i don't realize i'm missing - from which there is no running away. I have a nice room which opens up into the balcony, my laptop, my books, my stuff and I do have my work too. There is much to be done which I am doing - but when its not work, there is nothing else. Suddenly there is so much time on my hands and nothing much to do. Time difference should have taken away 5 hours or so. Not really.

I have more energy that I can possibly put to use. But there's simply no one around. And so, to keep sane i'm turning to music and loud music at that, to beat the loneliness.
I SOOOOOOOOO wanna get drunk tonight!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Loud writing

Delhi it is. The confusion and chaos outside seems minuscule when compared to that inside. Love and longing have taken a backseat. It is work that is on my mind. A lot of deadlines are hovering and I am trying to meet them all. My tickets for Palampur and Goa are done and I am looking forward to both the places and the occasions. Writing still comes out sparingly, perhaps because the same is with reading. A few more days and I will start going out daily. That should add some flavor to my book-less world.

Yesterday I was about to buy Narcopolis from Kashmiri Gate metro station on my way back home. Though the covers looked interesting but the prologue gave it away for me. It says in not so many words, that, "Bombay.... is the hero or heroine of this story". I have nothing against Bombay yet the place tires me. I have been there once and if possible would never want to go back again. I know it is a place that consumes you, makes you its own as you live there longer, the rubbing shoulders becomes a way of life and the lights at the glittering malls and the freedom that one can feel there is addictive. Yet, I have a mental block when it comes to Bombay. Except for the name I don't like much else and yes, I may have the naiveté of someone who has only known Delhi to be her home (and quite recently a bit of London). So well, I don't want to read of Bombay. Somewhat similarly I gave up reading Shantaram even as the plot had begin to thicken; the way I never liked Slumdog Millionaire despite the hoopla. My disenchantment with the city that never sleeps is illogical but firm. Ironically, one exception that I can think of is the very movie Bombay that I loved as a kid. As a child it did scare the wits out of me - coz like any other kid that age I had a fear of being lost in a crowd, parting from my family forever and never getting to see them again. But then, the movie had not much to do with Bombay as a city. I would like this to change. I don't like being prejudiced this way, this illogic mars my personal glee - that of being flexible in many other things. But who am I kidding, I enjoy not liking Bombay and bask in my ignorance of it. ;)

My room is nice and interesting now, a lot needs to be bought - new curtains, a cupboard, new chair, and most importantly, a book shelf. I also need a rug and a place to hide the innumerable stuff toys that hog most of the space in my favorite cupboard. WHY do people gift stuff toys to you if you are a girl?! I won't deny I must have enjoyed getting them as gifts at one point of time, now all they do is take up a lot of space which I would rather fill up with books and other collectibles. The trouble with stuff toys is that they are totally useless, need dedicated space in the shelf and when you are about to dump them - you just can't help but recall who gifted which teddy bear on which birthday, when you were oh-so-young and there goes your determination; the teddy bears soon find their way back to the cupboard. Stuffed rascals.

I am doing a lot of catching up on news these days. Needless to say, last 3 months I hardly read a newspaper back to back. It was only on the ipad that I used to log in for some news. It is the eds and the op-eds that I am reading now, plan on subscribing to the Hindu, Tehelka and Frontline again. I also want to send my two/three dissertations to some law journals, so I am on a look out for some human rights journal calling for papers.

That's all for now. Will keep you posted, now that I have the time.

Monday, October 8, 2012

the year that was

I will land in Delhi tomorrow. The year has come to an end and I will be back. There isn't a farewell speech to hand in.. but there is much that I feel tonight. I don't think i can put it all into words just now. A lot needs to be done on the work front - the reason I was at LSE and that makes me happy. I am sure Delhi has answers to a lot of mysteries of the past year. I feel I am going home to Panther too even as I know he isn't there. Knowing is such an overrated phenomenon, one that hardly makes a difference. You just continue to feel what you feel. :)

Sunday, October 7, 2012

a dog or two

My Life

i will be free..truly free

i will work, earn for myself, get a dog or two (and even though life kinda ends then and there but i have some other chut-put dreams), get lots of green plants, decorate my home my way.. have BIG windows and many cushions and nice curtains.
cook interesting food.. healthy meals cooked in olive oil, less on masala high on taste
crisp salads
go to a gym, have my beautiful books showcased in sexy book shelf which i will buy one day with my own money
simple living high thinking
ek theek thaak si car .. xing type. hola! i already have it.
silk ke dupatte on semi silk ka kurta. :D gee

Monday, October 1, 2012

a rap

Once again the need to be honest that brings me here. I come, I try. Befallen, I crawl back to the confines of my mind. But there is much I must accept now and stop fooling my self. Just stop, stand, and do what is right.. for once be sure and be happy to declare so. Enough of observing, enough of enjoying the thrill of how far one can go. I am not that old to be talking of times gone by as having had some immense impact on me. Whatever has happened in my life so far is also in my present - affecting me even now. I know one day in future it won't be important all of it. But I just have today to live. I must accept myself. Something's gotta give.

Accept yourself.