Wednesday, June 29, 2011


i lyk self-deprecating-laughter-type people

i enjoy keeping people in the dark till they realise it's my doing

i have a raw way of doing things

i 'also' like flirting

i am dainty, frail and needy in heaps. insecure too.

i am strong, protective, caregiver and complete

i lie sometimes. My lies usually end in surprises.

i think lying otherwise is too much hardwork. Not interested.

i love observing men at their workplace

i like the folded-sleeve, laid-back, relaxed look on guys

i like to have choices. I usually opt out when thrust on me.

i am prone to addiction. It's in my nature.

if i do, i trust blindly. Trust is an inerrant instinct, which may still go wrong.

i would like to be proposed in a library between stacks of my favorite reads

i am prone to heartache and heartburn

i love pink sunflowers

i can't smoke, hardly drink, love to smile. Been sometime. Tried all.

i like to think of me as a housewife. Flirting with the dangers of this idea. never gonna happen.

i love to be surrounded by books and stationary and i enjoy being around cubicles

love all animals by instinct. dogs top my chart. cats a close second.

i tried to hurt myself with a knife once, thought about committing suicide a zillion times

On my last birthday i wore a white dress with floral prints.

i bought it with an unknown guy. I didn't let him see me in it.

i like having a car but hate maintaining it

i am superstitious about a few things. I secretly think I own a cursed ring.

i feel uncomfortable with over-friendly people

as much as i feel romantic in rain, a part of me always begins to feel sad and lonesome when it pours

i like wild grass and dew drops on windowpanes

i honestly think dogs would make better humans, at least more cuddly

i love it that by now you think I am crazy. 

posting this was a self-dare.

na nothing

the quietude of the night echoes through the cobbled streets..  streets running through my head. Where newer lanes are fast emerging and dissolving, appearing, vanishing, building and continuing. absolutes are not absolutes. solitude stands transfixed as a state of mind. yet sometimes i don't have the pleasure of pain. happiness, the consciousness of an unnamed pleasure eludes and teases. the dawn rises with the sun or the sun with the dawn? What is to be looked forward to and what skipped? Are trepidations worth facing or bearing as a constant reality, an unrelenting hiatus along which we sway. questions are sometimes hard to answer but harder to frame.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Kabhi Suni

Kabhi Suni..

Kabhi suni apni pasandeeda keetab ke panno ki farfarahat? Aur kya chaha kabhi ki usmein chhalang dein maar? Kya hawa se baatein karti patang ki pehli udaan ki awaaz se baat ki kabhi?! Patton ki kashmakash se bhari fusfusahat ko sun gudgudi hui kabhi?!

Kabhi jab joota fata toh suna tha kya? Wo 'charrrrr' si awaz jise liye mochi ko dhundne nikle they, jab langraati chaal ko dekh sab khoob hase they. Aur akele mein khud ko dekh itna hasse they ki pait dukha tha!

Rail ki khidki se doobte sooraj ko dekhte huye.. Dhyan se suni kabhi chakkon ki awaaz aur fir door se aati engine ki hool.. 

Par kya suni tootte huye dil ko marodti sikodti awaaz .. bojhil aankhon se bund girne ki bheeni si awaaz?

Suni hai wo awaz jo patto ki sarsarahat se nikalti hai, sadko pe rengti gaadion ke pahiyon se ho kar, pani ik bund ban aankho mein bas jati hai?

Suni hai wo awaz jo bachon ko sunai deti hai? Jab maa bas hath bhar fer de sar par.. Chup kara dene wali woh awaaz.. Neend mein aaram ko pirone wali ik awaz

Kabhi gaur kiya kaise bin bole, ik panchhi kitna kuch keh jata hai, uchaiyo se baatein kar, zameen ko azaadi ki jhalak dikhata hai.. Uski udaan jab milti hai kshitij se, lagta nahi aasmaan ne use apnaya hai?

Kabhi baadal ko garajta sun, seheme se bache ki pukar suni hai? Aur kya suna hai kabhi barish ke gehen sannatte ko? Kya raat ki maddham lau ko sakpakate suna hai? Kabhi mombatti ki roshni mein khud ko rote suna hai?

Kabhi suni hai aawaz kisi nanhe bharose ke tootne ki?Wo aawaz jo kaan se nahi suni jati. Jo karkash toh nahi par asehniye hai, jo bebas hai daineeye hai..

'Usne' jab haath thama, tab apne dil ko kalabaziyaan karte suna tha maine, par uski dhadkan ko kano se laga ke dekha nahi kabhi.. sochti hu ab jab ye likhti hu, ki jaane kaisi hoti hogi.

Kuch awaazein hum sun kar nahi sunte..Kuch awaazon se door bhaagne ke liye kaano mein rui nahi daali jati.

Par apni kitaabon ke panno ki farfarahat sada ki tarah yaad hai mujhe.. :)

Friday, June 17, 2011

of broken ankles, unintended rhymes and puns

I'm holding on, and i'm holding fast..
Trying to capture your downward glance
the trance the purpose might not last
but the spell the jinx has been cast

i have no idea from where these lines popped into my head..lead by
need to rhyme i guess.

I broke my ankle a few days back. Bad. Too bad. Was jumping and happy
about the late night rain 2 days back.. thought I will go to the
rooftop and get wet but before I could as much as get one strand of
hair wet, I fell from the stairs with a ''thudd'' and my ankle ...well
let's say i heard a loud 'crackk' and I knew it was big. The swelling
took shape of a golf ball inside my ankle..the pain was enormous and
everything went dizzy, I held on to the railing and called out to my
mom..crying and howling i was lifted back to my room. Ice cubes were
rubbed on the swollen ankle but ultimately we had to go to doc so late
at night, got x-ray done and got plaster around my foot. The only good
thing about the whole incident, was the color of the plaster - a
bright and lively pink.

I had an exam the day after because of which panic struck. Anyway, I
went and took the exam, broken foot or not.

So, that's that. As usual humour makes it better but I hate to be
dependent, I hate to ask for things cz i cant get up, I hate to be
served  meals in the bed room and I hate not to be able to go for a
walk (even indoors)..but on the brighter note, I am fine. The ligament
fracture and muscle tear would be ok in 3 weeks time. I got 3
different tests to take in this time.. and i hope to get some sympathy
marks. :P

Now that I can't go anywhere all my attention is focussed on - of
course- food. I dream of banana cake and chilly potatoes. aah.

Hey did I tell you.. a few days back I went ahead with my
cook-wish-list and made choco-coffee cake and man, was it
finger-lickin delicious! My stomach churns when I think of it. ;) too
bad I can't make it again for nearly 3 weeks. But then on a devilish
note I think I will..with a little help I will.

Chalo, my lunch is waiting for me.. it rained awesome today..
* happened on a similar night* ;) the fall! (pun
unintended) ;)

Friday, June 10, 2011

the drawing board

1. Austin's Positivism and Analytical School
2. Kelson: Analytical School
3. Historical School: Savigny & Maine

For today:
4. Roscoe Pound: Sociological School

An articulate piece by PBM in IE a few aday back: Second time as farce - Indian Express

There is so much I need to catch up on..phew, for now Jurisprudence. I do like it.

Its okay, baby

Some questions about them will always remain unanswered. She will always hate herself for somethings, and keep on loving him for somethings. They say real love doesn't die. But they don't say it lingers on, ebbs and flows, comes and never goes. That thing which she didn't even say was love. That thing which she so wanted to have but could not was love. That feeling she thought was not yet love was love. That what to her was just the threshold was love. That what she thought was an end was the beginning of love. But she was alone when it mattered the most. It must have been love, but it's over now.. it must have been good, but I lost it somehow..The song resonates in her reality, right and wrong cease to the point of humour.. her heart knows yet it knows so little.. her mind plays games sometimes..oh she knows herself too well by now.. the little voice in her heart that she listens to grows distant and distant. Questions will linger like a mystery and answers, she has learned to stop looking for. One move and she's shaken. A stir and she awakens..

Monday, June 6, 2011

a wandering mind

Its all senseless at times.. the running around, the running after, the running before, the running in circles and the running-in-general. Like wasps we go around and about... Why are we born and why do we go through this whole deal of growing up, being who we have to be and then die..just die..just like that.. the thought that there is just this one life has haunted me for a long time.. i'm not asking for two, no i'm not. But the fact that we got only one puts so much pressure... one life.. one time one's gonna get married..ok one may have children more than once but there is so much that we are going to be just road to take and one way to live and sometimes there are no u-turns you know..

And the reality is that we all want it to be just once! No we don't want it to be any other way. No. No. No. You getting me? Just because I sulk for something doesn't imply I wish not to have it. I am just wandering in the pointlessness of being.. the 'almost existence' of ours that borders on our extinction.

that what makes me happy

For past some time I have been trying some culinary experiments - and experiencing the joy of whipping up something out of something. I never thought i'm the kind who would enjoy it.. but surprisingly I find it soothing, relaxing and fun.

I recently made Banana Cake - and well, i really didn't expect me to be able to make it that good the first time round. The aroma was so thick with banana flavour that it made me fall in love with it. My eldest sister - a banana lover herself - fell for it and so did my other sis and mom. As I baked the cake it took the shape of a shiny dark brown dessert that tasted much much much better than the banana muffins I have had before. I am going to write down the recipe here on the blog one of these days. A big thanks to nisha my friend for hailing from Kerala (ha) and for telling me how to make it. :D

So well, I think i am finally taking the cooking thing seriously. More so cz it makes me happy. The going-shopping that precedes the cooking and the cutting-chopping-dicing and the aroma and the process, the wait as the dish cooks and then the anticipation whether it's good enough.

So lets me do some loud thinking here. What have i made till date:..i mean some serious cooking/bakingwise:

1.  Chilly Potato
2.  Fried Rice
3.  Manchurian
4.  Spring Rolls
5.  Subway type - Sub (but that was more arrangement than cooking)
6.  Paneer Kulcha
7.  Veg. Biryani/ Pulao
8.  Lachcha Parantha
9.  Malai Kofta
10. Paneer Tikka
11. Corn Kebabs
12. Chocolate Cake
13. Banana Cake
14. Mushroom-Corn Farmhouse Pizza
15. Nacho Chat
16. Macaroni (dont know if that counts)
17. Banana Shake (with iceceam and nuts)

:)) makes me happy this list.

I usually get the ideas from two friends of mine who are simply the best cooks ever.. but barring that these dishes i've often tried outside and made a mental note to try at home - much like a challenge. Like I did a home made 'sub', or farmhouse pizza or banana cake after eating banana muffin, or spring rolls or nacho chat etc. Trying to make these things at home is fun. I am sure I am not a very good cook yet. I just enjoy it for now. 

And let me add this: i'm not too big for traditional indian or mughlai dishes Let me be honest the malai kofta i made was not that great cz i misread a part of the recipe. But  try i did.
And now a list of what's on my mind. I have something for healthy cooking. I am not a big fan of fried, slimy, oily dishes and i try to avoid maida (cornflour).. so the challenge is to make the dish healthy (using wheat or samolina (suji) instead of maida and using less oil without compromising on the taste)

So now my wish list for the summer:

1. Malai Kofta
2. Coffee Cake ( thats a friend's recipe and includes..molten chocolate lava :))))
3. Pasta - the authentic pasta - the kind I ordered at big chill and loved
4. Mushroom Pasta (i recently bought a bag of fusilli pasta)
5. Kathi Roll
6. Apple Pie
7. Chocolate-Banana Shake

I think that's enough for days to come. gee, that made me happy.



give your self a goal every day. it could be taking forward the same goal or some new one everyday.
find what you love to do
find something frivolous that you love to do - something that must give you PURE pleasure
that thing must result in something productive, something tangible or something you can see or touch or carry or listen to carry (so that excludes watching movies, listening to music going for walk (though giving you walking targets day after day is another thing))
once that goal is set. do it. bloody do it!