A lot happened these past couple of days.. in my mind.. metamorphosis i wouldn't call it.. but something new has been ignited. I was not in the best of my moods for a few days.. no one noticed of course.. but there were so many questions i was grappling with.. struggling because I did not have any answer. Answer, I still don't have. :) But i'm at peace with the situation now. Human beings can deal with everything.. absence of knowledge too.. it's lack of belief that we are unable to cope with. Besides, I had to deal with my own insecurities.. about future, about the present..that keep hovering about this head of mine. All that has been taken care of now (for now!) All thanks to my sister.. who made me realise sooo much in one phone call. :) I would love to write about how she 'fixes' me, and how she knows not that she does.. but that would require a new post.. a detailed new post about her.
I got up early today and got ready too. It's nice and warm, I will make me some breakfast in a while. I was aching for a good meal since a few days..and anyway not feeling too well.. yesterday a friend was sweet enough to come and make me some 'daal' and we made some rice and .. I don't remember having eaten so peacefully here..and so simply.
At night I curled up with my book and finally finished it. A good read.. makes you wanna go back to it but then you pull away your hand, perhaps you don't really want to read it again. I will be reading some other book now. Surprisingly enough all unread books that I have brought here are all gifted .. :)
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I want to be in love again. Why was I always so shy of saying it out loud?! heh .. it's funny how things you try to keep so protected, so hidden, under the wraps.. are always the things which are so obvious, so human, so much. I often wonder how it would be to be loved like I want to be loved. Been long I felt it. Not that long actually. I lie. But then it was all surreal. Perhaps it was a chapter out of a fantasy book.
Perhaps the reason I never say it is because I don't want to 'solicit' love. Something in me won't allow it. And the way that I am, I leave a lot unsaid.
On second thoughts, I think I will write about it more. Who would be mad enough to think this blog can be a platform from where I can call out for love?! And if it happens -- I wil be more the richer for it, won't I?
:)
