Sometimes it feels like a long holiday, at others a long sleep, sometimes it is a long journey that I'm making in a train, at others it's crawling realization that the journey will take forever. Then at others I longingly await the end of it, times when I know it will end, making it all bearable. Then I fantasize where I will be. Happy where I am. I don't know where things are going, I am just trying to do my best.
After a lot many days I read a lot today. Downloaded a nice application on the ipad that allows me to read newspapers with ease. Felt good. Felt as if as the time to go back comes nearer, I am again picking up threads from where I had left. Reading a lot of news also makes one angry, and such anger must be preserved.
When I get into this mode, all things that seem so important one moment, start to look insignificant. Abstractions like happiness, love, peace et al. Another kind of freedom takes over - even leading to that what is now insignificant already. And then I'm least bothered by it all. I've begun to understand a few things better than I did earlier. I guess that's the purpose of it all.
A random memory: i don't know from where, but flashes of a school trip are on my mind now. I'm wearing a pair of white pajama bottoms with a white sleeveless top, at a resort where we stayed on the school trip. And I'm looking at the breakfast buffet spread in front, and cool, salty Goan breeze coming from the sea not very far. A little girly consciousness was there. That girl is me. So strange.
That was also the first time I had ever seen the vast sea.