Growing Up

What's growing up? Is it the realisation that the beliefs you nurtured and imbibed all these years were nothing? That all you liked about yourself was actually delusional nonsense. That all you despised and hoped never to be is what the world demands that you be. It is a difficult realisation, one that only reminds you of what could have been instead of what should have been.

All our lives we think of standing up for what is right, for doing what is right and for having the grit and the determination to face all odds. To be strong when going gets tough, to not give in, then what happens when in love? Why we falter when the one's we have to stand up to are our own people?

I have seen myself doing things i should not have done. I have seen myself give in a times when i should not have. All for love. It was not a sacrifice but definitely a foolish obligation that i kept serving subconsciously. I must have been sure of getting the same in return. That didn't happen.. one was left bereaved.. then what? What right does one have against one's own? Indifference is the best way I used to think, but what if something as much as a scratch on someone leaves you in a state of panic? What do you do then?

Or is growing up just a phase that keeps returning to us.. today what i believe would look kiddish tomorrow, but after a while in some other situation, i would realise those old beliefs were true, innocent and so very pure.

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Growing up is looking back and laughing at our most 'serious' moments..

All through my childhood i wanted to be an adult, and now that i am one, I yearn for the child in me...

A window to the past, a channel to the future, yet always in the present..thats "growing up"..

The Dark Post

I type in darkness..nothing romantic about this.. its not pitch dark but darn enough for me to be making mistakes. So watch out for that. I'm trying my best here! Something has happened with electricity today... the ac is on, the fan isn't, the tv is on, the doorbell isnt, the fridge is on the tubelights aren't. My very own spooky house! I remember long time back i watched a film on star movies in which there was a "electric ghost" in a house where there was a baby sitter attending to a kid.. they were alone and strange things begun to happen.. i don't recollect the name or the climax of the flick but it had us enthralled, me and my cousins.. we were camping in the basement those days, it was my Bua's wedding day i guess! heh

You know what's the most impertinent, irritating and the oft-repeted question being asked to me day in and day out? It goes like this.. "How's Life?", or "What's up?"., "Did you get the internship you were looking for?"..blah blah blah.. A month back i wouldn't have believed it had someone told me that even after one month of you exams you would be sitting at home.. doing nothing but blogging..everynow and then.,, i would have looked at the soothayer with narrowed eyes, armed my face with a questioning look, coupled with the words, "bah! im not gonna be home".. but well.. here i am, this is me.. sitting at home.. and wat's the date? June 6-- precisely a month has passed since my exams ended (well, the courts are closed aren't they??? i give me this feeble excuse)

I tried and tried and tried and now i am doing nothing but waiting for one Ms Varsha from MARG to return from Patna...uske baad mujhe hai usko Patana..and Internship lagwana. :) Don't expect better poetry, i can hardly see anything here..all i have for my rescue is the glow emanating from the laptop screen. I wanna read but can't do that unless i sit in the heat outside, which i wanna avoid.

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Today's newspapers are full of dates and years and memorabilia.. been 25 years that Hindu-Sikh Riots happened in 1984, been 20 years since Tianmen Square massacre...and my weak and non-issue statistic of one month having elapsed since my exams came to an end.