Monday, February 28, 2011

i hv no idea

The ever-logical me, I am just not ready to see sense in this situation. Not that what I think bereaves of good sense and not that what they say is all sense. But I am unable to accept it or live with it. I not even ready to be patient about it and sit and think or even brush aside the matter because well, ultimately, its their lives their money their wish. But is it? Right through childhood they tell you you are a unit, that you belong and they belong to you, that ultimately it will come down on your shoulders, right through your growing up years they tell you to value the hard-earned money and that it is as much my own as theirs. And i grow up like that. The modest me will never take the money as my own, would never place a bigger claim on anything than them, would never even expect hem to listen to what I have got to say. But i am unable to do so right now. I am sick and tired of the diatribe about how, what, where, when and old age. And I understand. BUT i also do NOT understand why they think they are the only people? And supposedly they are afraid of getting old and being alone then why not act smart and close the various accounts and learn to settle in peace and security? No way! Before we turn old we are already tensed about oh what we are gonna DO to pass our time! Man! Why not enjoy???? Why do you always have to keep fighting the daily war of wager? Take up gardening, join a gym, play sudoku, watch re-runs of ALL mythological programmes (trust me i bought them the whole series of mahabharatha.which well, created another mahabharatha).. make it possible for your self to visit you three married daughters for a few weeks every now and then (alright two for now).. or your brothers in the mountains or on pklain simple vacations! Why not have a life where you are safe and MY MIND IS AT PEACE about you!

God, my mind splits at the seams when I see them spending money in order NOT to spend money. I have never been a miser, even less so when the spending is about being comfortable! But the sad part is that they are not doing much for their own comforts. They are buying assets without any intention of using them. And that kills me.. because i picture them working even when they are past 60 and i feel thats a failure of another kind. All your life you have slogged, right from scratch you have built up whatever you have and now that it is time for you to enjoy the output of your sweat you are again planning a new journey. As much as I salute your stamina I pity that you can't relax and I pity that THEN I can't relax. :(

I am not ready to listen to sense. This is beyond me. I don't like it. I so have a bad feeling about it. :( And I can't say another word. You already know I am against the bloody 'project'.. for two years I have kept mum and I will continue to do i see you guys happy about it. But I (with my minimalistic fiscal knowledge), happen to know that this is not the time for this.

Today when I want to talk to you about all this, I can't because I don't know if all this is mine enough to be asking you not to do a certain thing. I certainly am no one to tell you what to do or not to do, you may as well invest and lose and I will never ever say anything. Its yours to lose as much as yours to give or not to give me. But I want to know if I can wish for your future peace and recreation .. or should I keep mum there too?? If I have even 5 per cent say, I would wanna use that and take decisions which i think are in your long-term favour.. but what to do when the 95 per cent say you exercise seems poor strategy to me? My 5 per cent is as good as a dead rat.. no good use. u yaaaaar