missed u a lot today

Missing you a lot.. cz i am home without you being here.. had i known it would be your last few months, i would have left all work and everything and only been with you.. taken u for car rides which you SOO loved.. honey, i  too loved to drive you around... it was always fun seeing you happy..as i rolled down the window your ears would flap against the wind and your tongue would hang out more than usual :) making u happy made me happy.. simple, it was so simple..

xoxoxox

Such posts never have a name

I am in a dangerously excited mood right now. Its hard to tell if it is the result of deep sadness, stagnated grief or pent up emotions about things beyond my control. It could very well be none of the above. I want to do some serious damage to my 'gud girl' image soon. Ok.. don't get stirred just yet, i just mean in terms of 'freedom'..earlier while i craved for geographical freedom.. wanting to break the bounds of region -- going someplace new to me and a place i would be new too... packing bags at a whim and going someplace by train and getting down at whim.. there was of course no fear of security in my 'want'.. plain hitchhiking sorta exploration of India.. unlike a tourist, more of a gypsy kinda freedom. Needless to say, never happened! Not alone anyway..

Today I feel different, today I wanna challenge the bounds of convention. I have no idea why all my plans involve night, roads and breezer. But they do. My silly notions of secure getaways even include my car and some fun person by my side..oh yea.. goooood music too. I am so boring that sometimes it feels how lame it must sound to those who party all night and get their hair down everyday.. but I don't subscribe to that kinda fun. It would be boring and obvious and compared to that i am better off at home. But I do crave for nightouts..in car.. on road..with streetlights, wet turf and some fear.

I want to get lots of cranberry and jamaican breezer (the most lallu alcoholic beverage ever and the only one i really like) in the boot of my car.. also get some warm delicious pizza..something non dominoes and non pizza hut type.. i would like some lallu pizza from a stall..it retains its taste for longer.. and then i wanna plug in nice easy music .. and then i wanna hit it.. within delhi.. on its roads.. all those roads which look so rabid in the day time transform into a race car track.. no i dont wanna speed unnecessarily.. but i wanna zoom along the music. You know what? Who am i kidding with this meticulous planning? Only a partner, a night and a road would also do.

And then i wanna drive upto someplace I like.. and sit and relax.. open up a breezer and gulp while feeling good in my lallu notion of freedom...laughing, carefree and free. Is it really freedom! Nah.. actually its about flirting with what's not allowed to me... caressing a night and doing something my type yet non conformist. People do such stuff all the time I hear.. my friends party at the drop of a hat at places I haven't even heard about and sometimes I do feel I am missing out on a lot...nah.. not that I want to go where they do.. its not my calling.. But, I am missing out on my kinda fun at my kinda places in my kinda ways.. which however harmless..could make me feel like a daredevil in my own right.. And who doesn't like playing with fire?

I don't think all this is ever gonna happen. Sigh.