I wish I had someone to talk to tonight. Yes I am lonely, but more than that, it is important that I sleep. Sleep and meals are things I am not taking seriously and the results are showing with a loss of appetite and insomniac tendencies..one leading to the other.. leaves me
I will blabber tonight. Lullaby me to sleep it would.
I miss mom. Her smile. Her innocence. Her hands. My head. A pat.
I miss talking to her. Now when she looks at me over skype - I can see she misses me yet would never utter a single word to that effect. It is settled between us that I am the crying one - so how can she go weak in front of me. But you know, I am not the one to cry because I am the child, I am the one to cry because I act like her mom around her :).. and so like one of those tragic mellow moms - I cry seeing her. :)
I also notice a twinkle in her eye, a bit of apology for not having had the time to come online, but I know she is proud of me. And I know she knows not why. Perhaps that's the very reason, that she understands not and as is our wont, she admires that what she can't easily understand. :) Oh, she is so beautiful my mom is. SO beautiful when she smiles. And then on skype I would show off my long hair, "look mamma look! so long!" Wanna put my arms around her neck, on tiptoes (she's taller, you see)..and not let go till she wrestles herself out of my hold.
Oh this time is not right. I should have slept three times by now. I should have.
I have started a new 'venture' here on the blog. It's the Word Post. I would keep coming back to it and post words. Not sentences. Not meanings. Nothing you may even endeavour to comprehend.
I would see how it goes about. Too often with me these days words happen. But neither does a story, nor does a relation of it. It's just an experiment to capture those words. Nothing brilliant about it, just that overtime it might reveal a trajectory worth putting on record.
And as it turns out - I am more awake than I was before I tried on this 'lullabying me to sleep' idea. But now at least I am a happy insomniac.