not mine.

I never knew I would ever feel evicted from the place I call 'home'. And I promise I will never forget this. To give others their rights you sometimes have to let go of your own. You just look back at times when you didn't exercise your rights because you cared much more for their happiness. You still care but it's not needed! Can't you just see?!!

usay bhool ja..

Kahan aa ke rukne they rastay kahan morh tha usay bhool ja

wo jo mil gaya ussay yaad rakh jo nahi mila usay bhool ja
Wo tere naseeb ki barishein kisi aur chat par baras gayeen
dil-e-bekhabar meri baat sun usay bhool ja usay bhool ja
Main to gum tha tere hi dhyaan mein teri aas tere gumaan mein
sabah keh gayi mere kaan mein mere saath aa usay bhool ja
Kisi aankh mein nahi ashq-e gham tere baad kuch nahi hai kam
tujhe zindagi nay bhula diya tu bhee muskura usay bhool ja
Kyun attaa hua hai gubaar mein, gham-e-zindagi kay fishaar mein
wo jo dard tha tere bakht mein, so wo ho gaya usay bhool ja
Na woh aankh hi teri aankh thi, na wo kha'ab hi tera kha'ab tha
dil-e-muntazar to fir kis liye tera jaagna, usay bhool ja
Ye jo raat din ka hai khel isey dekh, ispe yakeen na kar,
nahi aks koi bhi mustaqqil sar-e-aaina usey bhool ja
Jo bisaat-e-jaan hi ulat gaya, wo jo rastay se palat gaya
usay roknay se hasool kya, usay mat bula, usay bhool ja
Toh ye kis liye shab-e-hizjr ke usay har sitaare mein dekhna
woh falak ki jispe mile they hum, koi aur tha usay bhool ja
Tujhe chaand ban ke mila tha jo tere sahilon pe khila tha jo
woh tha ek dariya wisaal ka so utar gaya usay bhool ja

link.. do listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNoqKOtiykI&feature=related

Buried

I am dead..i'm a ghost

I'm cradled, I'm lost

I'm human yet awry,

haunting your glory..

Like a toothless willow, a voluptuous sheen

I come in your innocuous dreams

I am your worst fear, I am your pain

I am your scruples, I am in vain

You Drive me Cra-yay-zzyyyy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwxn3WfM9G8

i wanna say this to someone! :D Its a happy happy morning :)

You drive me Cra-yay-zyyy!

You know baby when you're in my arms

I can feel your magic touch
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy
And when I'm looking in those big blue eyes
I start flowing down in paradise
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy
Heaven must have sent you down
Down for me to give me a thrill
Everytime you touch me, everytime you hold me
My heart starts beating like a train on a track
I love you baby and it's plain to see
I love you honey it was made to be
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy (...guitar solo...)
Heaven must have sent you down
Down for me to give me a thrill
Everytime you touch me, everytime you hold me
My heart starts beating like a train on a track
I love you baby and it's plain to see
I love you honey it was made to be
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy
You drive me crazy 

Of going and reading

I want to go There. I have got to go. To the grassroots, to see with my own eyes. I want to have had a first-hand experience, I want to go and see for myself what it's like to be there, in the middle of it. Till you go, you know nothing. I want to feel the misery that they feel, the life and times that they breathe in and breathe out daily. I want to experience the anguish and the savagery, the pain and the dim ray of hope, which, like the glow of an incandescent bulb on a faraway hill, is lonesome in its existence. Only, they may not have electricity there. 

I want to observe and I want to capture it in my words. I want to understand what's happening, not from a far corner while travelling in swanky metro or sitting in the comfort of my home. That's why I took up journalism and am into law, isnt' it? To give a meaning to my love for the written word..to do what I like best; to do and to conjoin it with a 'purpose'. Now is the time to go, to see, to observe, to be. I know it in my blood.

There.

Would liberty, justice, democracy and rights seem incoherent There? And do the arms of bureaucracy and law and the mumbo-jumbo of sovereign socialist democratic republic mean anything to Them? Where people fight and die for what is legally their own. Where what is their fundamental right is taken away from Them and a banal statute is thrown at their faces when questions are raised. I talk of not one place, I just talk of a place called 'There'. I talk of not a particular group, I talk of 'Them'. I talk not of a region, I talk of its living, breathing, seething, sighing, crying yet muted people.

Over the years, we have seen situations change. We know how inimitable series of action and reaction leaves behind the core issues as debates are politicized, governments are elected and ousted, scams are carried on and busted and news gets broken. Changes take place but nothing really changes. I want to go to that zone where it has ceased to matter. And there's no dearth of 'Theres' here, is there?

When Jeremy Bentham talked of Utilitarianism - he perforated the idea succinctly into "the greatest good for the greatest number of people'..classic Utilitarianism has been rejected by many, but the idea stands and sounds good to the ears -- till you find yourself standing among the smaller number of people standing for your legitimate right. Whether it be land acquisition, positive discrimination, regionalism or plain simple class hierarchy.

I wish I could just go..no philanthropy there, I want to go for me. To the places of unrest, to the ravines and the villages where nothing reaches, to perhaps help teach a class in some remote settlement, to the valley of unrest and unemployment. I don't know what my mission is, but I won't be without a cause.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today I read a chapter out of Amartya Sen's excellent book "Development as Freedom". The essay, titled "Culture and Human Rights" talks of three different yet interspersed critiques of the prevalent concept of human rights, freedom, duties and justice. Towards the end  he defends what is so-called "Asian values" in a bid to quash the popular and accepted notion that liberty, rights, freedom, democracy, atheism, skepticism and other such ideas are predominantly Western by origin. He takes us through Asian history, through the times of Ashoka and Kautilya and does a comparative analysis of Asian writings with that of Western thought. He argues that though Indian culture did not emphatically strive for egalitarian form of society and that 'duties' instead of 'rights' were the guiding principles, but the concepts which are now termed Western were very much there, yet blended in a dissimilar cultural tone. He talks of tolerance and popular perceptions about Hinduism and Islam as historically being 'authoritative' till the liberal Western thought came along. He differs from the popular perception and gives interesting proofs about cross-cultural influences in the past which make sure today that no modern concept is completely Western or completely Eastern. That there has to be a sophisticated, more complex view about what is loosely, wrongfully, and 'over-simply' termed 'Asian values', 'African culture' and so on. Not only are these thoughts shallow but also add to the divisiveness among Nation States, when the need is to recognize 'diversity' within different cultures.

Not only was the read interesting, but I also got an idea how theories are formed and presented. How assumptions and presuppositions made and how random observations ought to be sewn.

The hot pursuit of happyness

I don't have a word for this feeling. But I am sure there exists a word in the english lexicon for it..perhaps the word is a relative of 'curiosity'. For so many months now, intermittently though, I have been reveling under the heady feeling of the simple ginormous playing field that spreads for miles ahead of me.. and like a mind game I gotta collect all the goodies (read knowledge) as I travel through the field... Its the sweet thirst for this knowledge.. there's just so much so learn and there's just so much I want to get to the bottom of. And all this makes me dizzy and drunk.

I read Jurisprudence and I lose track of time and place.. There is so much more to know about it and I ache to know it all ... but I know it will take time and one need be patient with such things ... I read literature and I ache to read ALL books by a given author of my like...I wanna read Pablo through and through, to have read works of poetry in Urdu and Hindi as well.. historical more than contemporary. I'd watch some historical movie or a moving documentary, avail myself free subscription of an online documentary and there I go..overwhelmed by the enormity of all that's left for me to learn and loving every bit of it! Sometimes hating the fact that I don't have the time.. loving the fact that I have the hunger for it.. I want to know how the cosmos works - wanting to see all the best that discovery and Nat Geo offers.. then I move over to Africa and I want to know about the native history of each of those nations, I want to know all about tigers and their habits and then I want to be an expert on dogs as well... apart from these silly pursuits I want to have heard the best of music that mankind has ever heard, the best of books, autobiographies of the greats, their failures, their victories.. at times like these world becomes so small a place.. only the epistemic travails of the mind remains.. and I thrive in that .. the abundance of it all and as if all one needs to do is to jump and pluck. AND i have not even mentioned  articles, news, views, opinion, studies and book of my field - human rights, cz interest in that goes unsaid.

This quest for knowledge is bewitching as much as it is infinitum.. there's simply too much that tempts me, gets my grey cells cracking and there I go googling, reading, enjoying ... and ALWAYS finding myself standing over a whole new arena of unexplored lands .. which I want to tread.. the thought is so gratifying..but I never am able to satiate the thirst..

And then there is news..my first beau.. needless to say (to myself) iin Dec and Jan, I was very much away from it. Am again catching hold of the broken strands..will take some time.. but I needed to break-away too. :)

Its not as if the love for subjects like history, philosophy, politics, anthropology struck me just now.. nor do I expect or intend to gain academic expertise in all of these..i just wanna 'know' a bit about all these - just to enjoy- plain and simple..and therein I realise that social sciences is the home of my mind. I am not 'come one come all' about these topics, am very much selective in what interests me .. but of late the subgroup called 'my choicest narrowed-down field of interest' has been burgeoning and flourishing..almost resembling a parallel eco-system of its own.

And there are the non-academic, non-intellectual pursuits I wanna follow.. I wanna travel a lot, i have realised that travel keeps me going (not just topographically).. I want to shop for stuff for my room and for that I wanna explore unconventional places.. there's an entire arena of fashion (the girl in me awakens) that now interests me.. i wanna check that out too.. but of course, these little pursuits are secondary to me in the mind for now..oh yea, I wanna learn to cook. (not happening).

So back to Juris and back to rights and liberty and equality debate.

Date a girl who reads by Rosemarie Urquico

"Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes."

Kiska Rasta Dekhe

Kiska Rasta Dekhe Aye Dil Aye Saudaai
Meelon Hai Khamoshi Barson Hai Tanhaee
Bhooli Duniya Kabhiki Tujhe Bhi Mujhe Bhi
Phir Kyon Aankh Bhar Aayee

Koi Bhi Saaya Nahin Raahon Mein
Koi Bhi Aayega Na Baahon Mein
Tere Liye Mere Liye Koi Nahin Ronewala
Jhoota Bhi Naata Nahin Chaahon Mein
Tu Hi Kyon Dooba Rahe Aahon Mein
Koi Kisi Sang Mare Aaisa Nahin Honewala
Koi Nahin Jo Yoon Hi Jahan Mein Baate Peer Parayee 
Kiska Rasta Dekhe Aye Dil Aye Saudaai...

Tujhe Kya Beeti Hui Raaton Se
Mujhe Kya Khoi Hui Baaton Se
Sej Nahin Chita Sahi Jo Bhi Mile Sona Hoga
Gai Jo Dori Chhooti Haathon Se 
Lena Kya Toote Hue Saathon Se
Khushi Jahan Maangi Toone Wahin Mujhe Rona Hoga
Na Koi Tera Na Koi Mera Phir Kiski Yaad Aai
Kiska Rasta Dekhe Aye Dil Aye Saudaai...

Non-sense

The more things change the more they remain the same. So so true. As
if the changes happen in some other mindzone some other timezone
oblivious of the reality. In a way so much has happened in past two
years, yet I'm stil exactly where I was. So much has changed on the
outside but in one way, perhaps nothing has changed. Change and
No-Change are then perhaps mere perspectives. I just realised how
somethings will never leave me, a certain volcanoes however dormant
will remain volcanoes still.

Does any of it make slightest of sense?

:)