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rain writes a delhi morning :D

I woke up today to the sound of clitter-clatter-wham-boom-bam.. there was a windstorm about and random things were coming off people's rooftops.. some doors were left open and were hitting against the wall making all the noise. Still sleepy though, I went upstairs to the rooftop and was thankful the strong winds didn't whisk me off...  There was that fantastic refreshing morning chill that gave me the goosebumps. As I shifted my gaze up towards the clouds, down came little droplets of rain. As the propensity of rain increased so did the air current. Heavy diagonal rain fell all across tapping the ground and swooshed with a gush of strong winds. Standing in a comparatively drier spot, I began to shiver. And cz my dry haven was not a dry haven anymore..I thought it best to rush downstairs before the rain got me totally. I helped me with a cup of steaming chai and say by the rain drinking it and skimming through the papers. Such mornings make one wanna write. Gosh, how I miss it. The fact that I hardly got 4 hours of sleep notwithstanding. 

I wish I were in college today for the greens and the red brick buildings that make time stop. You go into a frenzy inside of you! But college is at its end (last exam to go now) and the future is unknown. As I say this I steer me away from all of that. :) and drive me back to the mausam and morning showers!

PS: nothing beats a good delhi rain - makes you love even your frosty eyed-nosed-lipsed neighbors!

:-?

Till now I was a matter of getting to be behind the steering.. to be in control of my life, my emotions and my choices however hard or frivolous. How hard it was, how much strength it required to gain back what I had lost. Now that I am on the driving seat with safety belt in place – life seems to be a crisscross of wayward roads..and all I do in my mind is steer. Steering away from thoughts that disturb me, steering towards that what keeps me distracted and happy or both. Sometimes I sit back and wanna relax, but as if on automaton following the Murphy's Law, the car moves towards the road I know is not right for me. Again I have to sit up, again look far ahead and assess the potential damage and swerve the mind and again navigate it away. *wipes off the forehead "phew!"*

 

It's funny actually sometimes. As if once you are sitting on a mad horse... you gotta keep it busy.. the moment you lose focus the horse goes mad..and on and on

 

I missed you ya.. my exams are going on.. three I'm done with and fourth one is tomorrow.. I have decided to study less.. last exam I studied way too much and I ended up sitting befuddled during the exam..simple matters became complicated just like that. If you look too hard you make a ghost out of nothingness. Something similar happened.

 

And I am so sleepy.

And suddenly I get sad.

:( wish u wr here

I just closed my eyes and imagined i ws stroking ur head. And a smile broke js when i thought i might cry. Its late into the night and it struck me you aren't around. Sometimes i look about my feet instinctively being careful lest i should step on your foot or smthin. Miss u my darling..nothing nothin nothin can ever make me happier than having you back with me. I dont let me think usually. But I miss you my buddy, my best friend, my baby. The smile has turned into an effort to stop d tears and as a droplet emerges from my eye..I only wish these memories of you wud never fade.. When i close my eyes and imagine running my hand through your hair..its seems real..and I am thankful that i could feel it again, but also afraid of time passin by..and the memories fading away .. I always want to be able to close my eyes and tease you, play with u.. Ur reactions to my calls r etched so deep..its easy to picture you.. As if u are not very far.. Who cares for reality then. I love you so much. Just know that my chota bacha.