Year ender

This year has changed a lot in my life. But even if i choose to hate it I cannot wipe off its existence. Sitting here in the dark..I mourn tonite. Things are changing in my life and more changes are going to take place.. however much i wish or want ... the times, the people, the relationships, and their beauty will not remain forever.. it will change and i will have to just let go.

Forever- this word is a fictional fabrication. For whatever is there today shall change tomorrow.. the change might not be recognizable to all.. but it would have begun to happen long before we realise it. And i hate to realise such a change. So much damage has already been done.. I don't want any more to take place. I know I sound paranoid but everything we feel, we feel for a reason. I am not fretting in vain.

I hate this time of the year when one is pushed into doing some sort of retrospection and more often than not this annual odyssey inside one's head leads one to discomfiture, gloom and anxiety. Of course, the sun shall shine with the same brilliance the next year, the chill i feel today shall be the same in a couple of days more. Just as crossing national borders does not mean the topography of a region shall change, similarly there's hardly any difference when we enter into a new year. Yet in our mind..things change. And even the biggest pessimist in the world would agree that a new year does bring in fresh hopes and aspirations with it. And the biggest optimist would not deny that their heart is filled with surmises of the year gone by. Retrospection and introspection continue unabated.

I have lost a lot this past year. Things that should have been there 'forever'! I feel I should have done better. But of course circumstances are not always in our favour. I wish I were unaware of these changes. I wish they would happen in stealth. But they just wont. And I am not talking about one person in particular. My brother, my friend and the thing I thought was lot deeper than it proved to be. It seems all is going.. and I dont want to feel it.