Something something

Without equality, liberty would produce the supremacy of the few over the many. Equality without liberty would kill individual initiative. Without fraternity, liberty and equality could not become a natural course of things..

--Ambedkar

1. I miss writing..i miss seeing my name in print.. however many articles i may have written ..but each time it bore my name, I had a feeling of satisfaction. Ofcourse i don't point at the series of silly stories i had to do..but those were part of the job.. if doing those stories was the price I had to pay to be doing my kind of stories then so be it..and anyway beginners are not choosers.. so i did what came my way..trying to subtly filter out the frivolous stuff my own way. 

2. Today I read about a few summer programmes which i am interested in..but more than that i am keen to work. There is simply so much to do (professionally) once the wedding is over that I am already getting excited about the prospects.

3. After college today .. my car hit the pavement.. little noise but no damage was done. On my left I saw a rickshaw topple and down came 2/3 girls. I pulled over to help them out but my mind kept racing whether it was my fault. Whether it was my car that hit them. For a while i thought it was and i was shocked..but later the girls and other told me that it wasn't. My friend also later raced her brains and said that it couldn't have been our car. The rickshaw puller and the girls agreed. Anyhow, without wasting a second we rushed the girl and the rickshaw puller to Hindurao Hospital...a government hospital in Malkaganj.. in complete disarray. Notwithstanding all that I was happy that they (the docs and the interns and the nurses) did their job fine. We stayed at the hospital for a long time..the girl got a fracture in wrist and the rickshaw puller complained of chest pain. I think the rickshaw guy would be fine soon. Lots of things happened thereafter the details of which are immaterial..including FIR and police ppl and tonnes of crying. Sometimes incidents or should i say accidents like these make you realise how important each moment is .. and how very important each individual is. The girl is going to have her surgery / operation of wrist tomorrow. Poor girl is a 2nd year grad student from Nepal. Though me and my friend kept our cool and acted at real adults at the time..but the thought of what could have happened has been haunting me all evening. Wish her a speedy recovery.

4. I wish i knew where i was heading and that goes for all the ducks in my life..

5. :) K.I.S.S formula needed

Shania Mania

Facts of the Nut-Case..i.e. me!
1. I am mad about Shania Twain.. her music, her history, her looks.. her hair .. her style.. ok.. now i am on the verge of being called a freak but the woman is classy! :)..have been a fan all these years but after having heard "Any Man of Mine" after so many years yesterday night, along with "You're still the one; .. and 'Dont be Stupid', and ' That don't impressing me much!' from her earlier albums and all sons from Up! i think she deserves a standing ovation for her music..that has the most definitive countryside feel to it coupled with wonderful themes! The fact that she actually writes almost all of the songs that she sings, makes her simply outstanding an artist!

Her songs, if you've been following .. have a liberating feel to them.. these songs more often that not celebrate womanhood in the most carefree and naughty fashion.. hear 'Nah!' if you've ever been dumped and you would know what I mean! 'She's not just a pretty face', I ain't no quitter' and 'It only hurts when i am breathing'. and 'Ka ching'..are some other numbers that I have loved from her albums. In her songs a girls expectations are stated in a matter-of-fact way that is so cute and fun and any guy who knows his girl, better smile in agreement!

When it comes to romantic numbers her songs have a background of an everlasting kind of dreamy love.. which just makes you wanna flow with the music.. she talks of years and years of togetherness of 'always' and 'forevers' in the most non-cheesy way possible. Hear 'When you kiss me', 'Forever and for always', 'Thank you baby', and of course my all time favorite song that gives me the goosebumps..! 'You're still the one'..aaaah... :) And don't even let me get started on the fabulous videos to her songs which kick my observation that 'good songs have ugly videos' below the belt!

And as for the person she is.. coming from the background she had in Canada..it seems her music is not just music for music sake. When you read about her the liberating feel I talked about earlier doesn't just remain figurative anymore. Her parents divorced when she was 2 and her mother got remarried..she started singing at local bars at the age of eight to fend for her family..she wrote her first song at the age of ten..I find that awe-inspiring..i don't know facts about her personal life though, but this much is enough to make one admire her mettle and her talent. And even though beauty is considered skindeep.. i would say that hers is the 'icecream beauty'.. see for urself in 'any man of mine'..the most wonderful video everrrrrrr made..:) no girl would deny that!

2. Today is 24 January...nothing special about it.. but i got up with a smile and i am still smiling :)

3. Good music is the soul of life..good reads are the life of life..and good writes are the oeuvre of all the music and the reads!

Incomplete

I dont want to write. Something has happend to me. I have stopped wanting to write. But I also know it won't last long..so no fretting. But how can that be? How can your salvation become your sin? So i am making an effort to write tonite. I have missed you, afterall. :)

These days are moving fast. The wedding day is coming nearer and nearer and before we would even know it would be February. There is so much going on in my head that it is tough to settle and write a chronicle. Everyday is a task. The task is to be finished. There are so many logistics, lists, considerations that in totality is seems an arduous project. But it is ok.. i know it will be a grand wedding for my sister :).. and everything we're doing is gonna be amazing fun eventually!

Heyy..I was fine till now...till the dementors attacked. Wanna write cheerfully. Can i come back later? I will. 

Lv

nea 

Some random threads

30th Dec 2009

I want to see the world. I want to go out.. i want my bags packed..wanna book some ticket to some unknown obscure place.. and just get in the train.. just for the journey. I wanna see the country.. I wanna see the town and the cities and the villages and the rivers and the lakes that we have or have not even heard about. I want to sip hot tea from some decrepit old teastall.. where they also sell mathri and strange biscuits..the tea would taste like nothing i have tasted before! good! and then i want to go looking around.. i know i am going to get some strange stares...those mostly emanating from strange men.. i might take a fancy to one of them and concoct an entire love affair in my head.. and just then the train would give a sudden jerk and i would come to my senses. I want to be in some train, listening to the music of the engine.. soon the wheels on the tracks would begin a rhapsody! I might want to get down at some lonesome but inviting platform..or i may decide to sit till the end! Then i would get down atlast and sit on my luggage and gorge on something locally made.. like vada pao in bombay or utthapam in South or something hot. I wouldn't care two hoots about the quality of that stuff.. i would just accept. Then I would roam around a bit..preferably at night.. in and out of the lanes and bylanes of that place..take a rickshaw if they have one and just feel the freedom.. get down now and then.. take a picture of moments i do not want to let go. and then i would do some shopping.. buy anything that i know would take me back in time to that place. I just wanna be by myself. No plans no bookings.. i wanna travel on my own.

3rd Jan 2010

I so wanna go out..leave Delhi for a while. I love my city.. but i want to live on my own..make new friends or maybe not.. see life my way.. just go go gooooooooooooooooooooo out and have some fun.. no timings.. no tension .. no questions and no excuses.. just freedom.. wonder if i will ever have that kinda freedom.. and i want to open myself to the idea of friends.. for too long now i have kept myself in this cocoon..i'm finding it too small...  or may be too empty that i can hear my own echo when i speak! Perhaps what i need is a bigger canvas.. a higher picture.. a different life! There are so many places i want to see.. so many sights i want to witness.. so much i want to do.. the adventures i wanna be a part of.. to make the stories that i have only read in books so far.. sometimes i feel like i will burst with the rigorous thought process going on in my mind! There is so much energy in my head.. so much-- so much-- so much...as if the atoms and the molecules are running.. faster faster faster....like they do under heat! And then when the energy in my head exhausts itself and I settle down..the comfort of status-quo tries to over power it all.. like a shadow.. i fight it but it wins.. it wins because the rigmarole of everyday life is much more 'real' and urgent and pressing than the images in my head. These images get washed away in time, by the ever-immediate needs of 'now' and general expectations people have from me.. but i long for those images.. i long to set me free.. i long to just go for once..

Into the Wild

Sunday, Jan 3, 2010.

Watched Into the Wild.. a fascinating yet distressing story of Christopher McCandless..your usual graduate with fighting parents, who left his urban life to try and live off the land.. hitch-hiking his way around the continent. The story is a true one. Christopher went by the name Alexander Super-Tramp..burned all his money in the wallet.. donated the rest to charity...travelled far and wide.. in complete solitude.. made friends with fellow tramps.. gave up all things material.. and followed his ambition to go to Alaska..where eventually after 113 days he died out of starvation caused by eating inedible potato root. The story is gross and at times one feels that the guy is stupid as he could have saved his life had he cared to carry some essential supplies and some experience of living in the forest. Though one has to admire his guts but the fact that he left his parents to mourn after him -- i found it unjust. We do not have the right to give that kind of sadness to anyone. We do not have the right to just die when their are people who us so much. And to inflict that pain on those who love you who saw you grow up..who dreamed about your happiness ..is just not right. These people might even hate you upfront but you just don't make someone suffer because you are obsessed about something. Hey.. i'm not just blabbering about the movie here.. lots to this effect has been going on in my head.. about the kind of hurt that is human and why one should not be subjected to more pain than is justified.

You know, we underestimate pain. We do it all the time. Maybe that is the defence mechanism of the soul and hats off to it. But to be feeling something that is not meant to be felt... to be going through such mental agony which is fitting for something much worse and not for what has actually happened, is not right. It is NOT the way nature or fate planned things. So don't let yourself do that to you. If you are in such a situation, then there is something major wrong going on inside of you.. something you need to set right.

I don't write that difficult, but still,  if you understand it.. congratulations!

Yappy Hew Near!!!

Hey! I woke up with a happy feeling today! So I am keeping all my cynicism aside for once! Wish you a very happy new year and a new decade. Just now i realised what importance this decade shall hold for me and those around me. :) It shall be the time when the course of our lives shall change routes and lead us to what we shall call 'my life' after a few more decades! Cheers to all. Love to all.

Neha