Some random threads

30th Dec 2009

I want to see the world. I want to go out.. i want my bags packed..wanna book some ticket to some unknown obscure place.. and just get in the train.. just for the journey. I wanna see the country.. I wanna see the town and the cities and the villages and the rivers and the lakes that we have or have not even heard about. I want to sip hot tea from some decrepit old teastall.. where they also sell mathri and strange biscuits..the tea would taste like nothing i have tasted before! good! and then i want to go looking around.. i know i am going to get some strange stares...those mostly emanating from strange men.. i might take a fancy to one of them and concoct an entire love affair in my head.. and just then the train would give a sudden jerk and i would come to my senses. I want to be in some train, listening to the music of the engine.. soon the wheels on the tracks would begin a rhapsody! I might want to get down at some lonesome but inviting platform..or i may decide to sit till the end! Then i would get down atlast and sit on my luggage and gorge on something locally made.. like vada pao in bombay or utthapam in South or something hot. I wouldn't care two hoots about the quality of that stuff.. i would just accept. Then I would roam around a bit..preferably at night.. in and out of the lanes and bylanes of that place..take a rickshaw if they have one and just feel the freedom.. get down now and then.. take a picture of moments i do not want to let go. and then i would do some shopping.. buy anything that i know would take me back in time to that place. I just wanna be by myself. No plans no bookings.. i wanna travel on my own.

3rd Jan 2010

I so wanna go out..leave Delhi for a while. I love my city.. but i want to live on my own..make new friends or maybe not.. see life my way.. just go go gooooooooooooooooooooo out and have some fun.. no timings.. no tension .. no questions and no excuses.. just freedom.. wonder if i will ever have that kinda freedom.. and i want to open myself to the idea of friends.. for too long now i have kept myself in this cocoon..i'm finding it too small...  or may be too empty that i can hear my own echo when i speak! Perhaps what i need is a bigger canvas.. a higher picture.. a different life! There are so many places i want to see.. so many sights i want to witness.. so much i want to do.. the adventures i wanna be a part of.. to make the stories that i have only read in books so far.. sometimes i feel like i will burst with the rigorous thought process going on in my mind! There is so much energy in my head.. so much-- so much-- so much...as if the atoms and the molecules are running.. faster faster faster....like they do under heat! And then when the energy in my head exhausts itself and I settle down..the comfort of status-quo tries to over power it all.. like a shadow.. i fight it but it wins.. it wins because the rigmarole of everyday life is much more 'real' and urgent and pressing than the images in my head. These images get washed away in time, by the ever-immediate needs of 'now' and general expectations people have from me.. but i long for those images.. i long to set me free.. i long to just go for once..