Can I just talk a bit here?

 

I am feeling very lonely.. panther is getting worse with each passing day. His hind legs are not working now. To see someone you have brought up give up eating, walking, playing or even seeing is heart-wrenching. I don't know if you or anyone will understand bcz to everyone he is just a dog. But for me he is my most beloved buddy and partner and witness to all my years of growing up and becoming the person i am. I was 13 when he came home and since then my life has revolved around his choosticks, his jumping, his barks and even his ticks that I so fervently tried to get rid off. I've bathed him, combed him..put him to bed and watched him silently as he slept his cozy sleep.. I have brought him up like a child and now suddenly he becomes a dog..who people say die usually at 10 or above age. How an that be fair..someone do something :((( i will do anything to see him up and about again.. i lv him so much that its tough to keep it inside of me..

 

His is the only identity card in the world which has my name as owner. I bought bday gifts for him.. Who totally belong to me. Who i decide for. How to let my heartbeat go?

 

How to handle this pain?

 

I am not new to pain, I have had times when I had to let go of people I loved..I have felt worse before .. even more helpless than now..at least I have panther in sight..but with all my honesty, I feel this is too much for me. God. Don't make me move on again. I dread to attach cz i will have to leave.

 

I love him dearly. Don't make him suffer. I can't bear to see him sad and forlorn. Does he know how much i love him? Does he know?

 

No one can ever understand this pain.. i knew such days would come some time.. but so soon? He is a kid..why don't they understand? He is so small..so naughty..and so much like a baby..

 

How can I ever let my heartbeat stop..

 

I know may be I should not be putting this all down here. But I have nowhere to go. Feeling so lonely so lonely and so sad.