I wanna hug you, hold you, shake you, smother you.. as if you were my own. If pain were alphabets perhaps this is how they would read.
Her fingers twitch with a ferocity and a need to write, to write without a pause without as much as an interruption to breathe or think. She feels sad. Tonight.
She breathes and takes in the raw air. Wanting bad not to feel. But as always she fails. She wants bad not to write but she does. She wants bad to sleep so the night passes by, murkily in her sleep. But she can't.. all she wants to do is to write.. as if it were the solution, her absolution. Is she running or escaping? Moving away or silently returning? She cries hoarse to herself and to destiny.. that she does not want her mind to go back from where it just emerged.
Has nothing changed?
She's afraid, so afraid she can't tell anyone. Afraid of getting trapped in the times she had frozen.
There is a beautiful German proverb: Einmal ist Keinmal. Once is nothing ... As in the sunset of dissolution, everything is illuminated by the aura of nostalgia, even the guillotine. :)
ReplyDeleteA similar sentiment is expressed in the idea of Eternal Recurrence: What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: 'This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more' ... Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: 'You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.' :)
ReplyDeleteDa capo: Give it to me as it is, again and again, until the end of eternity.
ReplyDeleteBut I see that i am again rambling... :)
Anonymity has this to recommend itself ... without it my comments stick like sore thumb even in my own consciousness. :)
ReplyDelete:)nice, nice read all of that.. i rather prefer a familiar stranger than an anonymous one. I enjoyed reading the first two comments..
ReplyDeleteas for me.. i am not that regular on the net these days for some reason, so I won't be able to reply as quick. :)
...no problem. Mine is an echo-friendly world, anyway. :)
ReplyDelete