diary 1

Since many days i have been wanting..yearning in fact to write here..about how i am feeling and my life in general..like many people do in their blogs but each time, i caught myself just in time. Whatever i wrote wasn't posted. There were reasons for this. The first thing that stopped me was hesitation of opening up my heart to the world..there are people i know who would read it and there are those who i thought would feel "why would we wanna read abt this person"..

Another fear was that since i have been down almost all of the past few months..gloom filled my life. And anyway even if i were happy humans are such that pain leaves its scars while happiness just flows by..like a stream.. like a dream.. ( Is it this what makes happiness such a sought after state of being? ) Being an optimist at heart but also someone driven by emotions, it came like a dilemma to me. Either i could be true to myself or I could be someone who writes about positive things in life so that i don't add to the negativity around me and so i am reminded of my blessings. Now if I were to be honest, I would be again exposing my innermost turbulence and at the same time I thought such suicidal mentations are to be kept to oneself. So..if not something depressing then what would I write? I believe a writer's pen (alright, keypad) somewhere somehow does share a resonance with her state of mind. And if i were to follow the latter option, that is, to be someone who writes about positive things in life, i would be lying to my self... 

Today i shed all those fears.

1. I should not care who reads.. even if these are people I know, I will be me in the end, and if it gets too much I would do something about it (i should be good at it.. i changed my phone number twice in 2 years)

2. I would be true to me..and not stuff my emotions in the recesses of my mind. Na.. negativity is bad when inside.. and good when shared or when given a vent to go out.. it is like water.. it evaporates perhaps.. i don't know.. but I choose to be honest here. I don't have to put up a face for not wanting to be a cry baby. Happy or sad this is me. I am sure writing here would act like therapy.

3. Lastly and most importantly--I like this blog of mine. A place to call my own.