a peace of freedom

Instead of striving to keep afloat in two seas, I should now drown myself in one. A time has come for me to choose. I intend to flourish, and wildly; but indulgence, even in the art of learning and scholarship can lead one to lose ground one way or the other. There's time for all pursuits. There is time.

------

Wisdom often finds its way out of people's lips most noiselessly. Something similar happened. A professor of mine carelessly spelt out something profound in his lecture today. He said (and I wonder if he realised what he said, when he uttered these words while explaining why it might not be a good idea to give all groups of people a right to self-determination.) "Freedom and Peace don't necessarily come together", he said in passing. I had only the time to type it in between my class notes. And I recalled it just now. The time honored floor is open, I guess. :)

It is often said that 'where you stand depends on where you sit'. May I add that it is from where you sit that you see the world; and where you stand that you speak forth. I think it gives enough room for all beliefs to find a room. So let me examine as I word…

At a perfunctory glance freedom and peace do seem to flow from one another. Ponder a while and fine cracks begin to appear, leading you on to wonder. Is freedom the be all? Is peace the end all? What is peace? And what is it that we call freedom? Does peace imply a people simply free from unrest or does it mean a Utopian silence regardless of its people? Is peace a tranquil state of affairs or does peace essentially entail a continuous effervescence and churning of thought processes? What if such churning leads to revolt? What if that revolt is in turn not peaceful in its true sense? Would it then be a temporary suspension of peace or a transitional phase of 'peacelessness'? Would such 'peacelessness' not be more desirable to you and I than 'peace' as we might ideally think of it?

Does peace allude to a right to strive for freedom and justice and even literary pursuits such as to dream, decide and be? When exactly is a nation 'in peace'? Never, one would say. And yet, if one sees from the precipice of war, a certain peace prevails almost always. But then even wars are fought in 'aspiration' to peace. The path to peace thus doesn't necessarily have to be peaceful. So, is it that peace is not what we aspire when we aspire peace?

Reverting to the question of aspirations: what is it that a nation state should ideally aspire? Freedom? From who? I would say from its own vices, the debauchery of its own people, from the very rust that corrodes it, which like a tidal wave is consistent, continual, real and most importantly, must be only expected. 'Solution' is not the key here I guess, acceptance is.

In order to understand what peace is in the context of a State, either we alter the definition of peace as we know it or at best tweak it a little to give meaning to what we really wish to convey by 'peace'.


Peace is where justice is given a venerated place to reside. For justice is what we seek in peace and what we search in our freedom. However, the moment gates are thrown open to justice, the threat to peace - which in my tweaked definition of peace would translate as an anathema to peace – slips in too. So, peace even at its best might not be peaceful. Again, 'peace' is not exactly what we aspire to achieve when we aspire for peace. Perhaps a leeway then for lawful 'peacelessness' is the price to pay for peace?

And so, what of freedom? If I were to put it rudimentarily, I would say freedom resides in the well-founded and working (and accepted) 'madness' of the political, social and economic machinery of a free State. Freedom resides in rights even as it includes the right not to be free. Freedom resides where tolerance is exercised by the victor as much as by the vanquished. Freedom resides even in war. Freedom resides in voice and acceptance and debate and forbearance. The test of 'freedom pure' is not in examining whether it resides in disagreement but whether it can flourish in dissent. For freedom agrees where a people disagree as a cohesive unit. It is where the powerless (or the minority) find a right to disagree that freedom meets peace.

It is now that 'justice pure' - the ultimate gospel - could be and should be conceived.

a hand to hold

A lot happened these past couple of days.. in my mind.. metamorphosis i wouldn't call it.. but something new has been ignited. I was not in the best of my moods for a few days.. no one noticed of course.. but there were so many questions i was grappling with.. struggling because I did not have any answer. Answer, I still don't have. :) But i'm at peace with the situation now. Human beings can deal with everything.. absence of knowledge too.. it's lack of belief that we are unable to cope with. Besides, I had to deal with my own insecurities.. about future, about the present..that keep hovering about this head of mine. All that has been taken care of now (for now!) All thanks to my sister.. who made me realise sooo much in one phone call. :) I would love to write about how she 'fixes' me, and how she knows not that she does.. but that would require a new post.. a detailed new post about her.

I got up early today and got ready too. It's nice and warm, I will make me some breakfast in a while. I was aching for a good meal since a few days..and anyway not feeling too well.. yesterday a friend was sweet enough to come and make me some 'daal' and we made some rice and .. I don't remember having eaten so peacefully here..and so simply.

At night I curled up with my book and finally finished it. A good read.. makes you wanna go back to it but then you pull away your hand, perhaps you don't really want to read it again. I will be reading some other book now. Surprisingly enough all unread books that I have brought here are all gifted ..  :)

------

I want to be in love again. Why was I always so shy of saying it out loud?! heh .. it's funny how things you try to keep so protected, so hidden, under the wraps.. are always the things which are so obvious, so human, so much. I often wonder how it would be to be loved like I want to be loved. Been long I felt it. Not that long actually. I lie. But then it was all surreal. Perhaps it was a chapter out of a fantasy book. 

Perhaps the reason I never say it is because I don't want to 'solicit' love. Something in me won't allow it. And the way that I am, I leave a lot unsaid.

On second thoughts, I think I will write about it more. Who would be mad enough to think this blog can be a platform from where I can call out for love?! And if it happens -- I wil be more the richer for it, won't I? 

:)

Freedom

Need I say more.

gone

let alone this misery be
for it's each to his own
no girth does carry mirth
when laughter's come and gone

library liberati

I am sitting in the college library. It's a huge huge place with rows and rows and rows stacked with books and journals and volumes and volumes of books - shelved, stocked, piled up..some are even in trolleys! This place is spilling with books and with computer terminals. Pity they do not allow us to bring coffee inside. The LSE student ID card serves as the library card here, which again doubles up as a 'sQuid card' that allows one to swipe it for printing services as well as for paying at the cafes and pubs in the campus. Pretty neat, I  say.

 

I am nearly done with selecting my courses the details of which I shall post here as and when I get final offers for my courses. The course choice is huge in numbers here and most courses are 'capped' ie they only offer those courses to a select number of students (usually the number is 30). Sometimes the criteria is 'first come' and sometimes it also depends on your core course. So if i am in LLM and a course is my main course then I shall be given priority over non LLM students. Yea it is a lot of blah blah blah.. and the first few days had me researching, searching, moodling, going through the reading lists and consulting a few friends about what courses I should opt for.

 

I think I am gonna post my course choices here anyway!

 

Full Units:

1. Comparative Constitutional Law (Institutions and Rights)

2. Human Rights in the Developing World

 

Half Units:

1. Theories of Criminal Law and Criminal Justice System

2. Climate Change, Ethics, Development and International Law

3. International Law of Self Determination

4. Terrorism & the Rule of Law

 

The other courses I might just take are am most tempted to take but cannot, owing to the ceiling restrictions are:

 

Theory of Constitutional Law

Rethiking International Law

Human Rights of Women

Law and Social Theory

International Human Rights

 

(Half)
Theory of HR Law
Media Law - regulation in news gathering
Law and the Holocaust#

 

phew! going to a class now.. to see if i should take it up

 

will be back soon...

 

:)
 

 

 

 

 

So well,

hurried & sleepy

There's been no time to sit or think the past couple of weeks. Can't believe I have been here only for eleven days. Seems like it's been much longer. I do wish I would get some more time to write to my heart's content. The daily struggle for keeping up to date with schedules, deadlines - and more importantly - the daily quest for food -- keeps me busy - and going. Initially, after spending a week without almost eating anything.. I finally got me a loaf of bread, a carton of milk, cereal, butter and tomato. So that's what breakfast is, was and would be. It is impossible to spare more time of weekdays. It is interesting though.. buying, cooking/preparing, doing the dishes and keeping stock of what is and what needs to be bought. I would love to give a detailed account of my food adventures but perhaps later. <3

I am happy with tonight's dinner though! Couple of friends and I made 'matar mushroom' for dinner at their hall of residence. The dish looked and tasted heavenly. After ages (or so it seemed) we had 'roti'.. :)  I was almost high on food. The good old indian spicy 'sabzi' and 'roti'.

I should ideally be asleep by now but I want to keep going on. Missing a lot of people and missing them sore. It's all nice here.. but I feel like something is left unattended back home and more often than not, it is the fact that I have not been writing. Not here - nowhere. Sigh.

But I will. I will take out the time. Pardon me this hurried post. I so wanna write but my eyes won't allow it.

gunite!

Photowalk!

runway and thereafter

Reached London at 1730 hrs British Standard Time on 22nd September 2011.

There was so much going on in my mind in the cab.. a thousand thoughts, a tired body, a quite calm happiness and a twinge of the blues .. So, here I was, typing away on my cellphone, looking around and then typing.. happy, excited, intrigued, wide-eyed and on the lookout for a familiar face, familiar smile or a familiar touch..

As the aircraft touched the tarmac an hour back, I held on to the armrest, tight and secured, and closed my eyes. Let the 'thud' hit me hard perhaps. The first glimpse of England turf freshened my airborne mind. I am in the cab now; on way to Northumberland Hall - which is going to be my residence now. 

Finally, I've made it this far. This is a city that's breathing, talking, dining, travelling, shopping around me and I am definitely an outsider taking her first peek. I feel low actually! Sinking! Overwhelmed. That's the word I would ascribe to this feeling. LSE, London, England. Feels so close now, yet so.. as if my eyes are not enough to perceive. Wonder if I would get lost in the crowd - a part of me wishes it does! It is a bit chilly and I am wearing just a light tee, but am warm inside. My friend in the cab is taking pics out of her window- I word my thoughts instead.

Enough! I want the cab to reach the hall now. Just wanna get inside a warm bed. And a blanket. but before that want to wash my feet with some hot water.

Feels like a paper boat - drifting, flowing, floating, swaying.. the stream is gushing ahead of me, with me.. I am holding on! Holding on! Living every bit of it! 

More to come. Watch this space for pics and posts.

untitled

Na manzil hi hai khayal mein
Na rasta kahin ja raha,
Na rooh ko koi intezaar
na dil yahan lalsa raha

baithi hoon ik khayal mein
na idhar hi na udhar hi hoon,
ik boond sa mann hai abhi
girte zara qatra raha

Hai jhoolta sa dikh raha
gira ki bas abhi gira,
risna nahi shayad ise
hai chahta ye barasna

maloom hai qillat magar
'kyun!' 'nahi!' 'kahan!' 'par'
kahe ja raha jiye ja raha
bhool kar khone ka darr

kuch aur der baithu toh
ghar bana lu na kaheen,
unhein chhorne ka shauk hai
mujhe rukne ki hai aadat!

...

Where Memory
meets Hope
Where the good and the bad 
traverse hand in hand
Where what's gone by
looks forward to what's to be
I stand there for you
my love,
I stand waiting for thee

Cry of the Cryptic

The call of the cryptic beckons. It cries and it wails but I keep looking away. Hoping that my stubborn silence might subdue the cry of the cryptic. But that is so not how is goes. And I know it. I have always known it.

I should try speaking softly to me. That works, doesn't it? Softly I shall tread, only my footsteps would know of the journey I make.

coming home

Never more wished I was left to myself. 


Now that I am going away in a few days, a need to be alone is being felt. Yea, it is a bit odd perhaps, I shall anyway become a stranger in a strange land soon. Yet the need to be with myself is being felt and profusely. I wish to talk to me. Been long I did that.

Sigh.

I miss you, me. :) We'll meet soon, very soon. Once the madness recedes. And once the ruffled pages of my mind settle down with the lull of the winds. I will meet you during one of my walks and perhaps we'll even have a quiet cup of coffee sitting together. Aah, even the thought is so inviting .. invigorating.

With each word I type, I feel a sense of homecoming and before I know it, a silent smirk draws across my face, chaffing me.."what did you think, you fool, I would be gone so soon?" Ha! I am almost celebrating. Me Me Me, where were you?! 


Words. Yes, even when all is lost and gone. And even though like a playful lover they evade me now and then. I love you!

Muah! Muah!

LSE

I wanted it to be the right time. And this feels like it.

I. did. it.

driblet by driblet

I woke up to the patter of rain and longing. I hear the faint sound of raindrops and wonder if any thing could be meaningful anymore. There's the slight chill in the air.. making my skin tingle..

 ... the pelting driblets.. 

I will be back.

Broken Heart Banana Cake

Broken Heart Banana Cake with chocolate topping!

It didn't really come out that good looking..the heart, that is. But it tastes better than  intended. Nibble. Gobble. Munch. Devour. *halo appears*. This is the first time I'm posting something AS I eat it! :D

Main Tenu Fair Milaan Gi- Amrita Pritam

Main Tenu Fair Milaan Gi
Kithey? Kis Tarah? Pata Nai
Shayad Terey Takhayul Di Chinag Ban Ke
Terey Canvas Tey Utraan Gi
Ya Khowrey Terey Canvas Dey Utey
Ikk Rahasmayi Lakeer Ban Ke
Khamosh Tenu Tak Di Rawaan Gi

Yaa Khowrey Sooraj Di Loo Ban Ke
Terey Rangaan Wich Ghulaan Gi
Yaa Rangaan Diyan Bahwaan Wich Baith Ke
Terey Canvas Nuu Walaan Gi
Pata Nai Kiss Tarah? Kithey?
Par Tenu Zaroor Milaan Gi

Yaa Khowrey Ikk Chashma Bani Howaan Gi
Tey Jeevan Jharneyaan Da Paani Udd-da
Main Paani Diyaan Boondaan
Terey Pindey Tey Malaan Gi
Tey Ikk Thandak Jahi Ban Ke
Teri Chaati Dey Naal Lagaan Gi
Main Hor Kujh Nai Jaandi
Par Aena Jaandi
Ke Waqt Jo Vii Karey Ga
Aey Janam Mairey Naal Turey Ga

Aey Jism Mukda Hai
Tay Sab Kujh Muk Jaanda
Par Chaityaan Dey Dhaagey
Kaainaati Kana Dey Hundey
Main Onhaan Kana Nuu Chunaan Gi
Dhaageyaan Nuu Walaan Gi
Tey Tenu Main Fair Milaan Gi…

Translation:

I will meet you yet again
How and where? I know not.
Perhaps I will become a
figment of your imagination
and maybe, spreading myself
in a mysterious line
on your canvas,
I will keep gazing at you.

Perhaps I will become a ray
of sunshine, to be
embraced by your colours.
I will paint myself on your canvas
I know not how and where –
but I will meet you for sure.

Maybe I will turn into a spring,
and rub the foaming
drops of water on your body,
and rest my coolness on
your burning chest.
I know nothing else
but that this life
will walk along with me.

When the body perishes,
all perishes;
but the threads of memory
are woven with enduring specks.
I will pick these particles,
weave the threads,
and I will meet you yet again.

station

I am just so low right now... that i didn't even wanna write but speak..js let my own voice soothe me.. i dont know.. ye station toh chhod aayi thi.. yahan toh bas intezaar kia tha.. yahan se  to chal padi thi aur kabhi nahi utarna tha yahan. Par fir aaj raat ke teen baje sunai diya ki ye toh wahi jagah hai. Khidki se dekhti hu toh .. wahi nazara hai yahan.. kankaal se ped bhojil zameen par ruaanse khadein hai.. chai ki khushboo toh hai par naam-o-nishaan nazar nahi aata. Yahan is platform par door door tak koi nahi bas sannata hua karta tha un dino.. aaj bhi wohi hai aaspaas. Thand nahi hai, par thand ki chadar lapete raat khadi hai ek kone mein. Shayad dekhne aayi hai, ki main rukti hu ki nahi. Thithur ke rail ke darwaze tak toh pahunch gayi hu par utarne ki himmat nahi hai mujhmein. Pichli baar ka tajurba bhulaye kahan bhulta hai. Is station par utarti hu toh gaadi jhat chali jati hai..rengti hui si dikhayi deti hai jaise chhod ke jane ka soch ke aayi ho. Badi muddat ke baad se pakdi thi pichli dafa.. is baar ik paun bhi neeche nahi rakhungi. Aisa bhi toh nahi hai ki ek baar hi chooti thi gaadi meri.